About Capt_Obvious : Gamer, Grammar NAZI, Sarcastic . . . That's about all you need to know.
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Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28931) - you deserved it (5483)
On 01/13/2013 at 11:49pm - animals - by Abendigo77 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while out grocery shopping together, my mom decided it was a great time to describe in vivid detail how, when she was breast feeding me, milk would pour out of her nipple piercing holes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27507) - you deserved it (2373)
On 01/13/2013 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Gingerdoesafacepalm (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36596) - you deserved it (1032)
On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20008) - you deserved it (7823)
On 01/13/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by frustrated - United States (Florida)
Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26631) - you deserved it (6191)
On 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)
Today, my hamster died. It climbed out of its cage and jumped off my dresser. Looking for condolences, I told my mom who replied, "If I lived in your room, I would have done it earlier." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22194) - you deserved it (5715)
On 01/11/2013 at 2:09am - animals - by deadhammy (man) - United States (California)
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years, whose reaction was to pretend to take a phone call. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28909) - you deserved it (2448)
On 01/11/2013 at 1:46am - love - by proposal fail - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34481) - you deserved it (3682)
On 01/11/2013 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24384) - you deserved it (1626)
On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States
Today, my grandmother called me to tell me that there will be a nice, single guy for me to meet at the family reunion. She went on and on about how perfect he was for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her I'm a lesbian, and have been out to the rest of the family for over six years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22683) - you deserved it (9495)
On 01/10/2013 at 1:25am - love - by RP Havens (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (30285) - you deserved it (655)
On 01/10/2013 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Amy (woman) - United States
Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49379) - you deserved it (2977)
On 01/08/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by finallyready (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, my boyfriend of a year asked me to move in with him. I would have been touched at this gesture, had he not asked in the form of a text message, saying: "Got kicked out. Wanna get a flat or something?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (22937) - you deserved it (2393)
On 01/08/2013 at 8:31am - love - by movingbuddy (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21188) - you deserved it (1942)
On 01/07/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by Sawarski - United States
Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22906) - you deserved it (4104)
On 01/07/2013 at 10:40am - love - by gassy - United States (Texas)
Friday 24 May 2013
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