About Capt_Obvious : Gamer, Grammar NAZI, Sarcastic . . . That's about all you need to know.
Capt_Obvious's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Capt_Obvious's favorite FMLs
by authorsubmit / 05/04/2012 at 8:49am / United States / Health
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML
by S12Sophia / 05/02/2012 at 6:06pm / France / Intimacy
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
by rolyat / 05/01/2012 at 12:41pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML
by epicsquishii / 05/01/2012 at 7:02am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by monkeywrench / 05/01/2012 at 1:14am / United States / Love
by kdehshaden / 04/30/2012 at 4:25am / United States / Intimacy
by poo4brains / 04/28/2012 at 12:42am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy
Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum. FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2012 at 8:08am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by jessica071509 / 04/24/2012 at 1:42am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote: "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML
by pathetic / 04/23/2012 at 6:06pm / Poland (Mazowieckie) / Geek
Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML
by ultraattitude / 04/22/2012 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Jenn P / 04/21/2012 at 11:15pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML
by wmkaz / 04/21/2012 at 2:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML
by Ashamed / 04/20/2012 at 3:34am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by sigh / 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…