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CaptNomNom

Offline (the 12/04/2014 at 12:34am) | Search for a member

CaptNomNom

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 8 July 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1130
  • Number of comments : 82
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About CaptNomNom : Im getting fatter and fatter but I'm probably still thinner than you. Hahahaha.

Add me on twitter @CaptNomNom

CaptNomNom's page activity

Visits<b>bellabuns</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 5:38pm<b>winchestinalock</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 12:09pm<b>Andrew6499</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 10:03pm<b>grantk123</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 10:14pm<b>justdausualtf</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 2:41pm<b>Spetz14</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 6:34am<b>ally_sanderson</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 10:25am<b>DenBriZel</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 3:43am<b>kittykittycat2</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 6:17pm<b>KitchKraft</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 1:43pm<b>Vanshikap</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 9:24pm<b>ThePaperDragon</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 9:23pm<b>blazie999</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 9:07pm<b>TBGC</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 6:49am<b>cakefete2</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 5:57am<b>star14394</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 3:38am<b>Nevracceptdefeat</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 12:43am<b>ClayDude365</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 9:17pm

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CaptNomNom's favorite FMLs

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

#21282836
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32231) - you deserved it (3363)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:18pm - work - by Australian Lifeguard - United States (Arizona)

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

#21224768
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43218) - you deserved it (5123)

On 07/30/2014 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by WasntWorthIt - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I decided to try something new with my boyfriend, and sexted him. My text ended up sounding so stupid that I panicked and quickly sent another saying "SORRY WRONG PERSON". FML

Today, a guy I had been casually seeing asked me to dinner. Thinking he could be wanting to make things serious, I got all dressed up. Turns out he got a girlfriend and just wanted to tell me in person to avoid things being awkward. We then waited in silence for our meal. FML

Today, my boyfriend made me sit in his kitchen while he Skyped his mother because he doesn't "feel ready" to tell her he has a girlfriend. He's 23, lives on a different continent and has been dating me for over 6 months. FML

Today, the tickets I bought for my favorite band's concert arrived in the mail. The concert was last night. FML

#20935170
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46440) - you deserved it (4193)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:11am - misc - by MsConfusedd (woman) - United States

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

#20817265
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56839) - you deserved it (5524)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by um... what the fuck, miss? (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I'm expected to buy a bassinet and/or a stroller/car-seat for my nephew because my brother trusted the pullout method for contraception. FML

#20785515
150 comments

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58542) - you deserved it (12251)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55070) - you deserved it (7754)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, I met my mom's fiancé. He's a nice guy, he's also my wife's dad. I'll soon call my wife my sister. FML

#20544337
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47277) - you deserved it (3001)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:31am - misc - by guy - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

#20523671
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42956) - you deserved it (5405)

On 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Frostbitten (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

#20516035
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39199) - you deserved it (10355)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

#20512577
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38610) - you deserved it (3061)

On 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML

#20472998
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31412) - you deserved it (3573)

On 01/22/2013 at 12:20pm - love - by SonofDonald (man) - United States



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