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Cansler

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Cansler
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 619
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Cansler's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend is upset with me for not wanting to sext. I can't sext with her because she adds 'lol' to everything which turns me off. FML

#20879249
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44885) - you deserved it (4921)

On 09/13/2013 at 2:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

#20874309
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49653) - you deserved it (19872)

On 09/09/2013 at 11:15am - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the guy I love asked me if hooking up counted as dating, because he thinks I'm "super hot," but he doesn't want "all the relationship shit." FML

#20874228
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41985) - you deserved it (4525)

On 09/09/2013 at 8:46am - love - by Renagirl (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML

#20873101
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17612) - you deserved it (91965)

On 09/08/2013 at 3:31pm - love - by verbaltodomestic (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

#20872880
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46559) - you deserved it (2736)

On 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML

#20870154
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45076) - you deserved it (4741)

On 09/06/2013 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by jesus christ, dad (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

#20868496
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40346) - you deserved it (2922)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by IGOTIT (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started my new internship at a vet clinic. By the end of the day I had: been peed on, scratched, forced to stuff a dead dog into a plastic bag, thrown up and almost passed out. I need to rethink my future career. FML

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

#20866525
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22060) - you deserved it (35153)

On 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm - health - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

#20865525
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39533) - you deserved it (4319)

On 09/03/2013 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
507 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17110) - you deserved it (123287)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML

#20864381
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57242) - you deserved it (5846)

On 09/02/2013 at 11:10am - intimacy - by yourfault (woman) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After looking for the spare key for hours, we called our insurance company, who then sent a "locksmith" with a wedge and a bar to open my car. All he did was break the driver and passenger doorhandles. My stuff is still inside. FML

#20864245
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38553) - you deserved it (3060)

On 09/02/2013 at 7:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

#20864109
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49649) - you deserved it (6299)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:49am - intimacy - by Kiddo (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML

#20863679
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29520) - you deserved it (8029)

On 09/01/2013 at 9:21pm - work - by OnCompanyTimeToo (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)



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