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Cansler

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Cansler

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1857
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Cansler's page activity

Visits<b>Expired_Skittles</b> - the 11/14/2013 at 10:26pm<b>onealmxwilson</b> - the 11/14/2013 at 4:10pm

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Cansler's favorite FMLs

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

#21107817
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24050) - you deserved it (41790)

On 04/08/2014 at 6:04pm - misc - by not a dumbass pothead (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

#21107421
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42824) - you deserved it (6251)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML

#21107057
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42292) - you deserved it (5329)

On 04/07/2014 at 7:39pm - love - by AlonsoKold - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML

#21105340
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40523) - you deserved it (3146)

On 04/05/2014 at 6:04pm - misc - by as-salamu alaykum, motherfucker - United Kingdom (Wirral)

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML

#21104753
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37653) - you deserved it (5426)

On 04/04/2014 at 9:57pm - misc - by Violet (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

#21102946
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47930) - you deserved it (5923)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:10pm - kids - by I Have Failed (man) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53727) - you deserved it (6846)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45141) - you deserved it (33402)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because, according to him, the sound of me scraping the ice off my windshield wakes him up every morning. This is the same neighbor who ran over my mailbox last week because there was too much snow on his windows to see properly. FML

#21101388
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38998) - you deserved it (2663)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:03pm - misc - by IcyWindows - United States (Utah)

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

#21100982
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36449) - you deserved it (2656)

On 03/31/2014 at 1:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Japan (Hyogo)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

#21099597
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37521) - you deserved it (3023)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:06pm - health - by unlucky - United States (Florida)

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43524) - you deserved it (6509)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML

#21097979
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43965) - you deserved it (6335)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:03pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

#21095315
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41270) - you deserved it (5946)

On 03/24/2014 at 4:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



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