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Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19466) - you deserved it (2061)
On 07/19/2012 at 4:05pm - health - by owwwww - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8844) - you deserved it (31191)
Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate while talking to me. This isn't the first time anything like this has happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25782) - you deserved it (2321)
On 07/18/2012 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by Awkward - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend of several years, and father of our one-year-old child, finally proposed. He was making idle conversation from twenty feet away and casually said, "By the way, you wanna get hitched?" This is as romantic as my life will ever get. Yay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15690) - you deserved it (6441)
On 07/17/2012 at 12:20pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7690) - you deserved it (26887)
On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States
Today, my neighbors are moving. As we were saying our goodbyes, their 12-year-old son approached and thanked me for the times I forgot to shut the blinds and he watched me change. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12313) - you deserved it (17685)
On 07/16/2012 at 10:38am - kids - by oops123 (woman) - United States
Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28654) - you deserved it (2352)
On 07/15/2012 at 7:13pm - kids - by Zora (man) - Norway (Hordaland)
Today, my mom came over to me and whispered something in my ear. I didn't hear it and assumed it was a joke, so I started laughing. Turns out my aunt died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7504) - you deserved it (15328)
On 07/15/2012 at 1:02am - misc - by RIP - United States
Today, I had to slowly explain to my boss that in some parts of the world, it's currently winter, due to the different hemispheres. He scoffed, accused me of "making shit up," and said that if I took him for a fool again, I'd be looking for a new job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20421) - you deserved it (1372)
On 07/14/2012 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, after a particularly difficult late night workout at the gym, I decided to shower in the locker room. I must have passed out, because I later woke up naked, surrounded by police after someone called to report a dead body in the shower. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21446) - you deserved it (2014)
On 07/09/2012 at 3:06am - misc - by wetandnaked (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17095) - you deserved it (2321)
On 07/08/2012 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was called into my first day of work as a cashier. Not even 30 minutes into training, my boss had already "accidentally" touched my ass 7 times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20473) - you deserved it (1621)
On 07/05/2012 at 10:13pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8414) - you deserved it (22895)
On 07/03/2012 at 7:20pm - love - by Jenna (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)
Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8414) - you deserved it (22895)
On 07/03/2012 at 7:20pm - love - by Jenna (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)
Today, I was entering a guy's number into my phone, and I couldn't remember his name. Embarrassed, I tried to be sneaky and asked, "Can you spell your name for me, please?" His name is Bob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6904) - you deserved it (17532) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Friday 24 May 2013
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