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Cansler's FML badges
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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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Cansler's favorite FMLs
Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment's for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket because walking is "too painful". FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2014 at 12:27pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love
Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 9:31am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML
by suspended / 08/08/2014 at 8:16pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML
by lacieQ / 08/01/2014 at 4:09pm / Canada / Health
Today, I dyed a friend's hair dark brown. She assured me I didn't need gloves as the dye would wash off. It didn't. My shift as a server is in an hour and it looks like I've been working in a tire shop my whole life. Goodbye tips, hello angry customers not wanting me anywhere near their food. FML
by EliTheAdorable / 07/28/2014 at 1:50am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, the couple who had written the offer we had accepted for our house withdrew it because apparently when they came by for the home inspection, my next door neighbor's teenage son tried to sell them heroin. FML
by BrewPack / 07/13/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/13/2014 at 4:00pm / Spain (Catalonia) / Intimacy
Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2014 at 12:04pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by NoSexForMe / 07/13/2014 at 3:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, my ex told me that she's 3 weeks pregnant with my child. Not only was she on her period when I broke up with her last week, her friend let me know that the positive pregnancy test she showed me was a fake that she'd bought online. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2014 at 1:52pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML
by ninnang / 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work
by rozsrredd / 07/08/2014 at 1:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…