Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Cansler

Search for a member

Cansler
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 618
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Cansler's last visitors

Expired_Skittlesonealmxwilson

Cansler's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of Cansler's badges

Cansler's favorite FMLs

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

#21006112
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35390) - you deserved it (4671)

On 12/26/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

#21002524
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42625) - you deserved it (4546)

On 12/23/2013 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by JoshuasGirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a sign he made in front of my Minecraft house. FML

#21000308
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42987) - you deserved it (5684)

On 12/21/2013 at 3:05pm - misc - by back to creepers (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

#20994581
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41506) - you deserved it (5807)

On 12/16/2013 at 11:44am - misc - by abc123 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

#20993322
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33210) - you deserved it (2553)

On 12/15/2013 at 12:18pm - misc - by ANONYMOUS -_- (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42915) - you deserved it (7376)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

#20991949
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36240) - you deserved it (9668)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:38am - misc - by The_Rest_of_the_Story (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend randomly decided to let me know that he believes there's really no such thing as cheating, unless both partners explicitly agree that the relationship is monogamous. And no, he wouldn't agree that ours is. FML

#20991424
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37795) - you deserved it (3809)

On 12/13/2013 at 4:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

#20989324
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45388) - you deserved it (6890)

On 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

#20986609
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40961) - you deserved it (6253)

On 12/09/2013 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

#20983816
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44333) - you deserved it (4781)

On 12/07/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by john doe (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

#20983710
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53135) - you deserved it (15702)

On 12/07/2013 at 9:55am - intimacy - by feiedbutter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband learned that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes". Incidentally, I now have a new cat. FML

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

#20982904
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45794) - you deserved it (7652)

On 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm - intimacy - by fuckadaisical (woman) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

#20980679
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34109) - you deserved it (10958)

On 12/04/2013 at 5:29pm - kids - by Awkward - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: