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Cansler's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Cansler's favorite FMLs
by very punny / 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
by anon / 08/31/2014 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2014 at 11:14am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, I almost got lucky with a girl from my course. We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and moving downwards with my tongue, whilst moaning my name she decided to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2014 at 2:44am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Intimacy
by AgentOrion / 08/29/2014 at 12:16am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML
by LolKaleb / 08/26/2014 at 11:02pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML
by alanh69 / 08/26/2014 at 3:12pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by whotouchedyou1 / 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML
by nhyari / 08/25/2014 at 2:58pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Love
Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2014 at 1:51am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML
by oops / 08/22/2014 at 10:35am / Australia (Western Australia) / Health
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML
by poorman / 08/11/2014 at 3:54pm / United States (California) / Work
- Today, under the Northern Lights of the Arctic Circle, I presented my girlfriend with an engagement… Today, my wife was talking to our 9 month-old baby. “Your father really is an example.” I smiled,… Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you…