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Cansler's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Cansler's favorite FMLs
by marie0908 / 12/17/2014 at 12:29am / France (Aquitaine) / Intimacy
by Extravirgin / 12/16/2014 at 7:01am / Germany (Bayern) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/14/2014 at 2:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by giantcuntflaps / 12/13/2014 at 11:03am / Australia / Intimacy
by unlucky / 12/11/2014 at 8:26am / Hong Kong / Work
by fullalove / 12/10/2014 at 1:34pm / United States / Love
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
by unlovedandunfucked / 12/10/2014 at 1:16pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I found a very light blonde long hair on my marital bed's pillow. I confronted my husband about it and after hours of arguments and me throwing his stuff out of the house, I found another. Attached to my head. My husband isn't having an affair, I'm just going grey. FML
by mastel07 / 12/10/2014 at 7:59am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML
by WTF / 12/03/2014 at 4:21pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML
by Anonymous / 12/03/2014 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I had a performance. I have to go bra-less to wear my gown and I didn't want any peek-a-boos. I asked my boyfriend to bring "large band-aids" without telling him why I needed them. He brought waterproof, top-notch tough ones. They're still stuck to me, and are not coming off anytime soon. FML
by smiles / 12/02/2014 at 8:14pm / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/01/2014 at 10:14pm / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML
by mainlineloser / 11/28/2014 at 12:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation…