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Cansler

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Cansler
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 606
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Cansler's favorite FMLs

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

#21100982
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34159) - you deserved it (2255)

On 03/31/2014 at 1:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Japan (Hyogo)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. My doctor failed to fix it, but did succeed in practically dislocating the other one. FML

#21099597
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35028) - you deserved it (2607)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:06pm - health - by unlucky - United States (Florida)

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39463) - you deserved it (5586)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML

#21097979
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39631) - you deserved it (5418)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:03pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

#21095315
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38188) - you deserved it (5193)

On 03/24/2014 at 4:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, while we were having sex, my boyfriend asked me, "Who's your daddy?" I actually started thinking about my father. Total buzzkill. FML

Today, my non-English-speaking grandma bought me a new t-shirt. It would've been sweet if it didn't have the word "bondage" written on the back in pretty, bold letters. I had no choice but to wear it while we went shopping. FML

#21094283
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32095) - you deserved it (3083)

On 03/23/2014 at 12:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - Egypt

Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML

#21091940
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15609) - you deserved it (59743)

On 03/20/2014 at 5:03pm - misc - by screwed (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on my sixth date with a guy I was beginning to really like. He asked if I'd mind if his friend Pete met up with us afterwards. I said sure. Turns out "Pete" is his penis. FML

Today, my boyfriend decided it was time to spice up our sex life. He now watches Sons Of Anarchy when we have sex. FML

#21091327
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34731) - you deserved it (4680)

On 03/19/2014 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss told me that there is no point in making me cut onions anymore because every time I do, I look like I've "been beaten", and can't be seen by the customers for at least half an hour. FML

#21091068
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29684) - you deserved it (2780)

On 03/19/2014 at 6:24pm - work - by Embarassed (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out my ex just got engaged to a girl he met 3 months ago, shortly before he ended our 5 year relationship. His reason for breaking up was that he didn't believe in marriage and couldn't be with someone who wanted to get married. Right. FML

#21089901
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40574) - you deserved it (3083)

On 03/18/2014 at 10:56am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

Today, a lady who works for my husband confided in me that they've been sleeping with each other and now she's pregnant. She didn't know I was his wife. FML

Today, I finally gave in to my long-distance boyfriend's requests and texted him dirty things. Any time I would send him something, he would reply, "What?" or "What do you mean?" Either I'm not doing this right, or I'm in a relationship with the most innocent person ever. FML

#21086172
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39341) - you deserved it (5014)

On 03/14/2014 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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