About CallMeBloo : I enjoy laughing at people who have had hilarious moments of shame, whether they deserve them or not.
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You have shared 20 FMLs on Twitter, your followers love you and we can understand why.
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CallMeBloo's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 10:04am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML
by joe rogan fucking sucks, dude / 04/27/2014 at 4:51pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML
by wondercat40 / 04/24/2014 at 5:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
by now have a cat / 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/23/2014 at 12:05am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my dad always treated me badly as a kid compared to my siblings. It's because I was conceived while my mom was cheating on him. On top of that, he made it clear that he still doesn't consider me a "real" part of the family. FML
by Anonymous / 03/20/2014 at 4:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by BigLove / 02/04/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML
by Subliminal message / 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm / Switzerland / Intimacy
Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML
by romance sucks. / 12/18/2013 at 4:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by BreakingTheMood / 11/13/2013 at 1:08pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Intimacy
Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML
by Champignon / 11/01/2013 at 10:17am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Intimacy
Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent me a message saying how "attractive" she was and that her eyes are "very seductive". So, basically, someone is trying to hit on my cat. FML
by meow / 10/30/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by wombats / 09/28/2013 at 10:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/13/2013 at 4:49am / Kids
- Today, so many people were coming over and our neighbors know we're Egyptian. They called the cops… Today, during sex, my man took out my vibrator. He insisted that he carefully study every possible… Today, my parents told me that they found a wife for me. They want to force me into a marriage with…
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s… Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the…