Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Calingaladha

Offline (5 hours ago) | Search for a member

Calingaladha

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 29 March 1991 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 852
  • Number of comments : 303
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About Calingaladha : This is stuff about me. Eventually. Maybe.

Calingaladha's page activity

Visits<b>Catdragon</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 8:34pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 8:41am<b>Sophiopath</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 12:10am<b>lilly_petten21</b> - the 06/22/2015 at 9:23am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 11:58pm<b>KristaAaronn</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 10:04pm<b>peanutbrat</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 2:16am<b>ASeeR</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 4:24am<b>prajju99</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 9:30am<b>hellyeah11</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 3:12am<b>HentaiGod</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 2:25pm<b>Vidrill</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 12:12pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 9:48am<b>cutycat136</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 1:22pm<b>ksks1234</b> - the 02/25/2015 at 4:12pm<b>Infamous278</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 5:58am<b>MaybeFML</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 10:35pm<b>Threnody666</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 1:46am

Fucked!<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 2:41pm<b>lilly_petten21</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 9:36pm<b>Vidrill</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 6:12pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 3:48pm

Calingaladha's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of Calingaladha's badges

Calingaladha's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

#21432853
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25508) - you deserved it (3345)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm - love - by stillhungry - United States (California)

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

#21432612
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23219) - you deserved it (2153)

On 06/27/2015 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML

#21430513
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24399) - you deserved it (5238)

On 06/23/2015 at 2:37am - misc - by Arcanin3Boss (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

#21428553
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28697) - you deserved it (11699)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I decided to be the "cool aunt" and take my nephew to a horror movie. I ended up being so scared, I burst into tears. Nothing says "cool" like having an 11-year-old walk a sobbing, grown woman from a theatre. FML

#21424629
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20341) - you deserved it (10599)

On 06/11/2015 at 6:29pm - misc - by Bigbaby - United States (California)

Today, I had to endure the most mortifying ambulance ride of my life after my fiancé's cock ring got stuck on my tongue piercing. As I was trying not to choke or vomit, he actually high-fived one of the EMTs and tried to get him to take a picture on his phone. FML

#21424446
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29707) - you deserved it (8608)

On 06/11/2015 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by awkward - United Kingdom (Dumfries and Galloway)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend arrived, took off my bra and told my boobs, "I missed you guys", then took off my panties and said, "Hey buddy" to my vagina before saying he missed me to my face. FML

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

#21420563
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30268) - you deserved it (3301)

On 06/04/2015 at 3:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

#21409445
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31158) - you deserved it (2905)

On 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

#21405462
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29336) - you deserved it (3705)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:22am - kids - by seethroughpee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

#21398419
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28249) - you deserved it (4010) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/23/2015 at 8:27am - kids - by bleue - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

#21342844
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26881) - you deserved it (3234)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:46am - intimacy - by LD - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was elected to learn how to clean the birthing tub at the hospital I work at. Today, I also discovered that while blood doesn't bother me, floating chunks of afterbirth and god knows what else, will cause me to projectile vomit into said tub. Which I still had to clean afterwards. FML

#21304749
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31102) - you deserved it (2989)

On 11/23/2014 at 8:59pm - work - by StomachofTinfoil (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML

#21294686
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17074) - you deserved it (30829)

On 11/08/2014 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48861) - you deserved it (18943)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • Angie's illustrated FML
  • Here we go again. This week I'm talking to you live from the Paris Japan Expo. I'm dressed up as Bernard from the Sailor Moon series, and I almost got kicked out because my katana wasn't the…

Friday 3 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: