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Today, after giving my husband a new video game that he's been wanting, along with homemade waffles and a surprise blowjob, he gave me my gift: two packets of ramen noodles, and toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33257) - you deserved it (3160)
On 12/26/2012 at 12:25pm - love - by annie_nk (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12587) - you deserved it (35231)
On 12/25/2012 at 2:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27726) - you deserved it (3178)
On 12/25/2012 at 1:41am - love - by un_christmas - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64161) - you deserved it (15789)
On 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by valnaj1 (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29889) - you deserved it (4043)
On 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44655) - you deserved it (7276)
On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)
Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27588) - you deserved it (3157)
On 12/19/2012 at 9:59am - kids - by spellbound - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20494) - you deserved it (1096)
On 12/13/2012 at 6:44pm - misc - by surrounded by dumbfucks (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20545) - you deserved it (4918)
Today, I had to get to class at 9:00 to take a test. I woke up at 6:00, and figured I could wait a few minutes before getting ready. The next thing I knew, it was 10:30. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15942) - you deserved it (13902)
On 12/11/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, on the bus, when I was asking my 6-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, a stranger came up to us and yelled at him about how Santa Claus is not real, that his "parents are fucking liars" and that he should "never listen to anything one of those fuckers says." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22723) - you deserved it (1914)
On 12/11/2012 at 2:15am - kids - by n1a1t1h1a1n1 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25656) - you deserved it (5292)
On 12/10/2012 at 2:21am - love - by Tonguetied0496 (man) - United States (California)
Today, after two weeks of being grounded, I was finally let out of the house by my mom. I had to call her at 1am asking her to come get me, because I got so drunk, I told my ride to leave without me. I'm grounded again after less than a day of freedom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4158) - you deserved it (64867)
On 12/09/2012 at 5:14am - misc - by Tasha_1996 (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, I went to see a musical that some school friends had put on. At some point in the show, the main character kicked her leg up in the air, and her high heel flew off of her foot and into the audience. The shoe hit me square in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16921) - you deserved it (1122)
On 12/08/2012 at 7:25pm - health - by ko - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3753) - you deserved it (63118)
On 12/06/2012 at 2:23pm - misc - by mom (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)
Monday 20 May 2013
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