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Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9649) - you deserved it (24530)
On 07/30/2012 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27314) - you deserved it (3667)
On 07/29/2012 at 11:24pm - misc - by guy - United States (Ohio)
Today, I decided I need to get a life. I reached this epiphany when I failed to take notice of my friend calling me, until he started calling out my Xbox gamertag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4635) - you deserved it (13198)
On 07/29/2012 at 4:20pm - misc - by kumbuck3t15 (man) - Mexico (Baja California)
Today, my son got to my great grandfather's old stopwatch, which had been valued at a very high sum, and broke it by twisting the hands in reverse. He says he was trying to time travel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14896) - you deserved it (2075)
On 07/29/2012 at 2:49pm - kids - by oink oink fuck off - United Kingdom (Doncaster)
Today, I took my 2-year-old son to the ear doctor, since he'd stopped responding whenever I call him. The doctor told me that his ears are just fine. He's just ignoring me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16621) - you deserved it (3590)
Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30168) - you deserved it (6963)
On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20343) - you deserved it (9448)
On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27424) - you deserved it (2082)
On 07/20/2012 at 1:13am - money - by Rachel - United States
Today, I used a man's shirt as a pillowcase and sprayed it with cologne so I wouldn't feel alone in the night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16063) - you deserved it (5248)
On 07/18/2012 at 10:21am - love - by MaeMoss (woman) - United States
Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7685) - you deserved it (26885)
On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States
Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5187) - you deserved it (22476)
On 07/10/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by mustanggt (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5187) - you deserved it (22476)
On 07/10/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by mustanggt (man) - United States (Texas)
I agree, your life sucks (29241) - you deserved it (6967)
On 07/05/2012 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24741) - you deserved it (3440)
Monday 20 May 2013
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