Bornundeath

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Bornundeath

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 849
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Bornundeath's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Mobility

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Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Bornundeath's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML

by anonymous / 03/22/2012 at 12:46am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

by Brian / 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I went driving for the first time. I made it twenty miles to my step mom's house, and didn't stop until I was inside the garage. Too bad the garage door was closed when I got there. FML

by meganisabella / 03/11/2012 at 5:15am / United States / Transportation

Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2012 at 4:52pm / United States / Love

Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML

by eakthegeek / 01/10/2012 at 4:36am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to come over to my house. He said he couldn't because he was out of town. That would have be perfectly acceptable, if I hadn't called him on his house phone. FML

by cmd102 / 10/20/2011 at 5:18pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I tried to hint to my husband that we needed a new washing machine. I mentioned that we got our current one way back on our wedding day. He replied, "Yeah, and I got you too." FML

by poluxe / 10/16/2011 at 5:08pm / France / Love

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

by adieuvelib / 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML

by scewable / 10/13/2011 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML

by Andrew / 10/11/2011 at 9:11pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

by Cantgetno / 09/20/2011 at 3:45am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

by Anonymous / 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She shared this beauty tip with me when I caught her using my Lady Speed Stick on her snatch. FML

by AllieOops / 08/17/2011 at 5:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

by worried / 08/16/2011 at 9:20am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Love

Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation