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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63892) - you deserved it (3906)
On 06/01/2013 at 3:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53192) - you deserved it (2275)
On 06/01/2013 at 2:21am - misc - by regstl - United States (Oregon)
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (49828) - you deserved it (13541)
On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50193) - you deserved it (3969)
On 06/01/2013 at 12:31am - health - by Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37993) - you deserved it (4451)
On 05/31/2013 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Guatemala (Guatemala)
Today, I was texting my boyfriend when he said, "Hold up." Thinking it'd be funny, I ran and grabbed my copy of the movie Up, and took a picture of me holding it and sent it to him. He replied, "Getting real tired of your shit." Then dumped me for my "dumb taste in humor." FML
I agree, your life sucks (53575) - you deserved it (11090)
On 05/31/2013 at 12:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)
Today, I was at my nursing internship. After helping a patient get into bed, I began to walk out of the room when I heard him say to another nurse, "Now that was a king sized lady". To make things even better, she didn't understand him the first time and I got to hear him say it again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29948) - you deserved it (3714)
On 05/30/2013 at 9:54pm - work - by melody91 - United States (Texas)
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54852) - you deserved it (4108)
On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34924) - you deserved it (8655)
On 05/30/2013 at 8:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I found shit on my windshield. I'm not sure if it is human or animal, but it was conveniently smeared all over and even more was placed under my wipers just in case I used them to clean it up. This isn't the first time, and I have no idea who I could have pissed off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42747) - you deserved it (3366)
On 05/30/2013 at 5:41am - misc - by windshitwipers (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML
I agree, your life sucks (42319) - you deserved it (7079)
On 05/29/2013 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I gave my boyfriend our festival tickets to keep hold of while I excitedly went home to get ready. He took someone else. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46452) - you deserved it (4547)
On 05/29/2013 at 3:11pm - misc - by festival virgin - United Kingdom
Today, my math teacher raged at a student for eating an apple in class. As he yelled at the student, he slapped the apple out of his hand and right into my face. Everyone laughed, including the teacher. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45152) - you deserved it (2835)
On 05/29/2013 at 2:29pm - misc - by WTFruits - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while shopping for dresses, I found a really cute one that fit me really well, but not at all in the breast area. My grandma screamed "buy her some titties!" Everyone in the store looked at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43017) - you deserved it (3325)
On 05/29/2013 at 12:39pm - misc - by no boobies - United States
Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41284) - you deserved it (2840)
On 05/29/2013 at 11:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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