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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML
I agree, your life sucks (51715) - you deserved it (5742)
On 05/02/2013 at 2:27pm - love - by Jes_jes18 (woman) - United States
Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47352) - you deserved it (6398)
On 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19431) - you deserved it (42002)
On 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50669) - you deserved it (3354)
On 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm - health - by DemiRawrs - United States
Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32672) - you deserved it (7045)
On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46752) - you deserved it (3237)
On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17789) - you deserved it (60655)
On 05/01/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by luvs2spooge89 - United States (New York)
Today, while paying a $60 tab on drinks for a girl, a guy grabs the money-clip out of my hand and runs. I start to chase after him; the girl trips me, then runs after him. The bartender calls the cops; not to catch the thieves, but to report me for not paying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45162) - you deserved it (3481)
On 05/01/2013 at 6:30am - money - by Alexman1985 -
Today, my boyfriend of two and a half years left me. To clear my head I decided to go for a drive. My car broke down on the way. The only mechanic I have ever used and trusted with my car is my boyfriend. Yes, I had to call him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39664) - you deserved it (6229)
On 05/01/2013 at 4:21am - love - by brigie - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my boyfriend of two and a half years left me. To clear my head I decided to go for a drive. My car broke down on the way. The only mechanic I have ever used and trusted with my car is my boyfriend. Yes, I had to call him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39664) - you deserved it (6229)
On 05/01/2013 at 4:21am - love - by brigie - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, it's my wedding day. I have a cold sore that makes me look like The Joker. Make-up won't cover it and the emergency medicine my doctor gave me only irritates it more. My future husband asks, "Why so serious?" and laughs whenever he sees me. Fantastic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36729) - you deserved it (2904)
On 04/30/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by sharibaby (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I sent a girl a friendly conversation starter on Facebook. She replied, "I know what you guys are like. Oh, and that invitation to a date in about 5 messages time? Not a chance." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33701) - you deserved it (7171)
On 04/30/2013 at 4:50am - love - by Porter_Robinson (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44929) - you deserved it (2842)
On 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm - love - by Wow. Really? - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43083) - you deserved it (10409)
On 04/29/2013 at 12:51pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38785) - you deserved it (4462) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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