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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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BloodyMontage

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BloodyMontage
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 332
  • Number of comments : 18
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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BloodyMontage's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML

#18273262 (652)

I agree, your life sucks (31931) - you deserved it (7565)

On 11/17/2011 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I bought weed for the first time. The dealer was an undercover cop. FML

#18240812 (315)

I agree, your life sucks (6003) - you deserved it (20563)

On 11/13/2011 at 8:11pm - misc - by honeybadger123 - United States (Massachusetts)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

#18224618 (187)

I agree, your life sucks (25407) - you deserved it (4608)

On 11/12/2011 at 12:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my dad made me quit my online school classes and go back to public school, because apparently when I'm on the computer, it makes his video games lag. FML

#18201929 (287)

I agree, your life sucks (10682) - you deserved it (1446)

On 11/09/2011 at 2:18pm - misc - by exiledliscense - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

#18200253 (272)

I agree, your life sucks (17422) - you deserved it (2050)

On 11/09/2011 at 7:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

#18189501 (218)

I agree, your life sucks (10879) - you deserved it (2096)

On 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by InstantHardOn (man) - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

#18167673 (153)

I agree, your life sucks (11055) - you deserved it (22399)

On 11/05/2011 at 8:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad in her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML

#18120358 (617)

I agree, your life sucks (18218) - you deserved it (1325)

On 10/31/2011 at 11:38am - intimacy - by ohdear (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a god damn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML

#18092758 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (20117) - you deserved it (3458)

On 10/27/2011 at 10:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

#18087484 (216)

I agree, your life sucks (9645) - you deserved it (2139)

On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

#18014569 (229)

I agree, your life sucks (29579) - you deserved it (5506)

On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom left for a business trip. Thinking it was a good time to throw a party, I mass messaged everyone on my contact list. I thought it was going to be a success. The problem with this? My mom is on my contacts list. She replied "I'll be home in an hour. You're grounded." FML

#17992894 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (5520) - you deserved it (42685)

On 10/15/2011 at 8:47pm - misc - by mass message (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my brother in law got into a fight with my husband. My pregnant sister was yelling at her husband to stop beating my husband up. When I came into the room, I asked why they were fighting. You'll never guess who the real father of my sister's baby is. FML

#17977094 (292)

I agree, your life sucks (50330) - you deserved it (2048)

On 10/13/2011 at 7:20pm - love - by Good sister (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML

#17973250 (208)

I agree, your life sucks (22530) - you deserved it (6060)

On 10/13/2011 at 3:19am - intimacy - by scewable (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML

#17935197 (243)

I agree, your life sucks (4262) - you deserved it (11096)

On 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm - misc - by G - United States (California)