Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

BloodyHeel

Search for a member

BloodyHeel

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1405
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About BloodyHeel : Longtimelurker.

BloodyHeel's page activity

Visits<b>BeautifulChaos27</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 10:43pm<b>Zarniclopsindorf</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 9:12pm<b>jelrid</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 11:47pm<b>chicken_dip</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 12:26am<b>Wideout40</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 1:13pm<b>Allusivness</b> - the 12/18/2015 at 11:00am<b>joco4</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 4:53am<b>Mackade</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 4:12pm<b>kiki1705</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 9:04am<b>helptheorphans</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 12:19am<b>D_as_h</b> - the 10/01/2015 at 4:08pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 6:53pm<b>kristinalucore</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 10:06pm<b>poopsiepants</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 2:44am<b>Jiratias</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 7:11am<b>helloyes</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 2:09pm<b>Bronzy</b> - the 06/09/2015 at 1:50pm<b>just_dorky_me</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 1:17pm

Fucked!<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 11:09am<b>imbetterthanyoo</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 4:09pm

BloodyHeel's FML badges

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of BloodyHeel's badges

BloodyHeel's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

#15817034
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46205) - you deserved it (8698)

On 04/17/2011 at 1:56am - intimacy - by rastafarimon (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML

#15741918
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44602) - you deserved it (3123)

On 04/11/2011 at 4:07pm - misc - by bananaman - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

#15657358
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33667) - you deserved it (11235)

On 04/05/2011 at 9:52pm - misc - by troublewithbleach (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I found out that my mom and dad got a divorce. They didn't tell me, they just changed their relationship status on Facebook. FML

#15635122
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46850) - you deserved it (3436)

On 04/04/2011 at 12:23pm - love - by carolinagirl (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

#15598918
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36500) - you deserved it (48277)

On 04/02/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by Toothy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260
702 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75721) - you deserved it (16458)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my parents fought over who gets the dog when they divorce. Nothing has been said about where my brother and I will live when they split. FML

#15379189
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39690) - you deserved it (3362)

On 03/19/2011 at 5:25am - animals - by unwanted (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

#15209845
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40639) - you deserved it (3667)

On 03/05/2011 at 8:42pm - health - by nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realised how poor I am when I found myself fishing out a two dollar coin someone had left behind in a public toilet bowl. FML

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15154) - you deserved it (37693)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, after my two credit cards were stolen, thousands were charged before I could cancel. The thief dropped nearly $1,000 at Juicy Couture, so she/he is somewhere laughing at me in a magenta, rhinestoned "leisure suit." FML

#15069321
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29555) - you deserved it (3589)

On 02/21/2011 at 8:21pm - money - by MBC - United States

Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML

#15068596
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29934) - you deserved it (2741)

On 02/21/2011 at 7:23pm - misc - by peedonme (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

#14990668
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49380) - you deserved it (13916)

On 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was posted with a very lonely gate-guard. From the second I arrived, I had to listen to him drone on and on, and now I know his entire life story. I was there for four hours. FML

#14932572
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23599) - you deserved it (3964)

On 02/11/2011 at 4:54am - work - by anonymous -

Today, I wanted to annoy my sister by playing the air horn app on my iPhone. I forgot that I had headphones in. Let's just say I quickly had to change my underwear. FML

#14797258
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9338) - you deserved it (66217)

On 02/01/2011 at 1:50pm - misc - by Brea - United States (Missouri)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: