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Today, I was texting the girl I am in love with. I was dropping hints about liking someone who I didn't know if they liked me back. Flirting a little. And just when I thought she'd say she liked me too, she said "Don't worry, if you were straight, I would definitely date you!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (31483) - you totally deserved it (2660)
On 06/24/2009 at 9:15pm - love - by fml7458364838 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14591) - you totally deserved it (22347)
On 06/19/2009 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4176) - you totally deserved it (57136)
On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I saw my crush walking on the other side of the street. She hadn't noticed me, so when she did I nonchalantly looked over and casually waved to look cool. I then walked right into a lamp post. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13685) - you totally deserved it (21491)
On 06/18/2009 at 10:04am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Norway (Akershus)
Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8470) - you totally deserved it (36187)
On 06/18/2009 at 9:32am - misc - by OompaLoompa (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9430) - you totally deserved it (30226)
On 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by thelarkscaw (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58747) - you totally deserved it (11787)
On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she will be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8234) - you totally deserved it (52791)
On 06/08/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by baller (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying 'I'm good' or "I'm okay", I said "I'm gay". FML
I agree, your life sucks (39307) - you totally deserved it (14103)
On 05/16/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by UncleRory (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54613) - you totally deserved it (10530)
On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14018) - you totally deserved it (183026)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65317) - you totally deserved it (3395)
On 03/24/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by proudestmonkey (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15437) - you totally deserved it (28680)
On 02/27/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by bojangles (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML
I agree, your life sucks (167533) - you totally deserved it (13392)
On 01/31/2009 at 6:40am - misc - by iloveapples - United States (Connecticut)
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