Blazerjack

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Offline (the 05/13/2015 at 5:33am)

Blazerjack

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 25 February 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5112
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Blazerjack : Thinking is dangerous

Blazerjack's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Blazerjack's favorite FMLs

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

by nenette / 11/12/2014 at 5:50pm / France / Animals

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

by MySonThePoet / 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

by Deadpool434 / 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

by poorbastard / 08/30/2014 at 4:35am / Canada (Quebec) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to try something new with my boyfriend, and sexted him. My text ended up sounding so stupid that I panicked and quickly sent another saying "SORRY WRONG PERSON". FML

by guriak / 07/13/2014 at 9:16pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML

by NosChersVoisins / 07/01/2014 at 12:55am / France (Aquitaine) / Love

Today, I sped off down the road, then realized to my horror that my cat was clinging to the roof of the car. FML

by beccadabeast / 06/30/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

by (not) fucked / 05/16/2014 at 12:01pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug / 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

by campus pussy / 03/22/2014 at 5:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML

by Maxime / 02/27/2014 at 7:32pm / Love

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

by lovely / 02/26/2014 at 1:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was grading work my students had done with a sub. I realized one student had gotten hold of the teachers' edition of the textbook when I read ten papers in a row that had "Student answers may vary" as the answer to problem number four. My students can't even cheat properly. FML

by chinaski7628 / 02/15/2014 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was driving along when I noticed a kid struggling to push his car up the crest of a hill. I jumped out to help him, and he acted surprised to see me. Once we got the car over the hill, it rolled on down. I then saw that no one was actually in the driver's seat. I'd helped a vandal. FML