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Bellaness's favorite FMLs
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
by rowie1311 / 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Miscellaneous
by Kim / 03/22/2011 at 2:30pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML
by Abby_gummibear / 03/19/2011 at 5:04pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
by sylverster / 03/15/2011 at 8:37am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, my new boyfriend was at my flat for the first time. He picked up something in the bathroom and said 'What the hell's this?'. I told him what it was for, and he said 'You girls and your weird female products. Who needs all this stuff?'. It wasn't a female thing. It was shampoo. FML
by cleangirl / 03/14/2011 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the bakery section of my local supermarket, I heard the beat of what I assumed was a song playing. I really got into it, and bobbed my head and danced a little. After getting some strange looks, I realized the "beat" was a machine mixing frosting. FML
by Anonymous / 03/12/2011 at 10:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML
by vlcardenx3 / 03/12/2011 at 4:11pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by dumped / 03/10/2011 at 4:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/08/2011 at 8:15pm / United States (California) / Geek
by Anonymous / 03/08/2011 at 2:17am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
by thenotsomanlyman / 03/07/2011 at 11:17am / United States / Animals
by insomnitude / 03/05/2011 at 1:55am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
by Anon. / 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
- Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I… Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the… Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying"…