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Beefballsoup's favorite FMLs
Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2011 at 4:40am / Austria / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
by Arlbethere / 02/25/2011 at 7:18am / United Kingdom (Northumberland) / Miscellaneous
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? I dare you." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
by NotAsToughAsHeThinks / 02/13/2011 at 10:25pm / United States (Montana) / Health
by anonymous / 02/02/2011 at 12:17am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML
by anon / 01/31/2011 at 5:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
by Scaredwitless / 01/27/2011 at 11:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm / France / Intimacy
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Intimacy
Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Miscellaneous
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy
Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML
by notsoclean / 12/24/2010 at 4:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Hannah / 12/21/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
Today, I was playing hide and seek with a few friends. I hid in the bathroom, under the sink in a cabinet. I ended up having to sit there quiet as a mouse while my grandfather took an incredibly long and vile dump. I was too afraid to move. Let's just say he didn't rush it. FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 12:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by miiiiilk / 12/05/2010 at 6:12am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He… Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working… Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom…