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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (212985) - you deserved it (10187)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the women's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38408) - you deserved it (3203)
On 04/25/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by GreenMonstR (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (124827) - you deserved it (18340)
On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31521) - you deserved it (72055)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML
I agree, your life sucks (82641) - you deserved it (24506)
On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47079) - you deserved it (129066)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I had to log in to my computer on a projector in front of business associates at my dad's architecture firm. I typed in my username and apparently didn't hit the tab key hard enough, so I typed my password in the username box. The entire firm now knows my password is "tits123". FML
I agree, your life sucks (12850) - you deserved it (64897)
On 03/27/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54141) - you deserved it (424517)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mother was re-enrolling me in school so she was required to fill out some paper work. Later, she asks me, "What does Caucasian mean?". I ask, "Why?". Apparently she didn't recognize the word so she checked "other" and wrote in "white". FML
I agree, your life sucks (39571) - you deserved it (4151)
On 03/03/2009 at 12:37am - misc - by buryuntime (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16321) - you deserved it (43231)
On 03/01/2009 at 3:00pm - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I drank a good amount of vodka and cut my own hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3613) - you deserved it (28429)
On 01/28/2009 at 5:20pm - misc - by 315 - United States (Pennsylvania)
Monday 17 June 2013
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