About Beastz0r : Love to read the FMLs daily.
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Beastz0r's favorite FMLs
Today, after a root canal, I went to the pharmacy for some pain killers. The cute girl behind the counter asked what I needed. When I opened my mouth to tell her, a wave of drool hurtled out and splattered on the counter. FML
by maninpain / 10/10/2011 at 3:44pm / Kenya / Love
by southernluxe / 09/04/2011 at 5:36am / United States / Intimacy
by crazystar69 / 03/09/2011 at 1:19pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/05/2011 at 12:05am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook name to make it look more professional. It was denied because they didn't feel it was a legitimate request. Minutes later, someone with the name of "Galactic Toast" friend requested me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 2:35pm / United States / Geek
Today, I was texting my trainer to rearrange our training session. My girlfriend texted me during the exchange, asking what I wanted for Christmas. I accidentally texted my trainer, "All I want are your sweet titties in my face". I'm awaiting a response. FML
by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 3:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were lying in her bed. We fooled around and were about to have sex as she suddenly began to cry without any reason. She cried for 30 minutes until I finally managed to calm her down. She said there was no reason for her crying. Then she fell asleep. FML
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 7:45pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/24/2010 at 3:31am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said "No, seriously." FML
by imaqtb / 09/08/2010 at 11:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, it's my nephew's second birthday. He was sitting on my lap, so I started tickling him. He laughed and squirmed so much, he smashed his mouth on my desk. Two bloody hours at the hospital later, he has no two front teeth. FML
by Anonymous / 08/31/2010 at 12:32pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML
by Hatty / 03/14/2010 at 6:50am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by soomeone / 02/16/2010 at 2:28pm / United States (California) / Love
by mallcop / 02/14/2010 at 12:07am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML
by AnnaNick / 02/13/2010 at 9:19pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…