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About Beastz0r : Love to read the FMLs daily.
Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, after a root canal, I went to the pharmacy for some pain killers. The cute girl behind the counter asked what I needed. When I opened my mouth to tell her, a wave of drool hurtled out and splattered on the counter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22000) - you deserved it (2145)
Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10924) - you deserved it (2507)
On 09/04/2011 at 5:36am - intimacy - by southernluxe - United States
Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40498) - you deserved it (3303)
On 03/09/2011 at 1:19pm - love - by crazystar69 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25217) - you deserved it (3692)
On 03/05/2011 at 12:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30545) - you deserved it (3061)
On 12/05/2010 at 1:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook name to make it look more professional. It was denied because they didn't feel it was a legitimate request. Minutes later, someone with the name of "Galactic Toast" friend requested me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19996) - you deserved it (2428)
On 12/01/2010 at 2:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was texting my trainer to rearrange our training session. My girlfriend texted me during the exchange, asking what I wanted for Christmas. I accidentally texted my trainer, "All I want are your sweet titties in my face". I'm awaiting a response. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9752) - you deserved it (26395)
On 11/27/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend and I were lying in her bed. We fooled around and were about to have sex as she suddenly began to cry without any reason. She cried for 30 minutes until I finally managed to calm her down. She said there was no reason for her crying. Then she fell asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23614) - you deserved it (3258)
On 11/13/2010 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)
Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9768) - you deserved it (30148)
On 10/24/2010 at 3:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said "No, seriously." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6386) - you deserved it (21010)
On 09/08/2010 at 11:35pm - work - by imaqtb (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, it's my nephew's second birthday. He was sitting on my lap, so I started tickling him. He laughed and squirmed so much, he smashed his mouth on my desk. Two bloody hours at the hospital later, he has no two front teeth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18273) - you deserved it (6416)
On 08/31/2010 at 12:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7687) - you deserved it (12798)
On 03/14/2010 at 6:50am - misc - by Hatty (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. I started putting my arm around her, when I hit her in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7539) - you deserved it (14259)
On 02/16/2010 at 2:28pm - love - by soomeone - United States (California)
Today, while working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16866) - you deserved it (1506)
On 02/14/2010 at 12:07am - work - by mallcop - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19133) - you deserved it (6731)
On 02/13/2010 at 9:19pm - love - by AnnaNick (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
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