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Batterypost

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Batterypost

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 27 October 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1051
  • Number of comments : 65
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Batterypost's page activity

Visits<b>PrincessCastiel</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 12:42am<b>Acid1260</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 6:59pm<b>noah_1234</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 2:57pm<b>kayzers</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 10:31am<b>bryanjamieluke</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 6:59pm<b>Rebecca4826</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 4:50am<b>ironfey</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 8:28pm<b>Feklfekl2222</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 6:22am<b>91hayek</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 8:39pm<b>mantisman1212</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 6:31pm<b>GemmaAnne</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 6:03pm<b>SnowFangedBeauty</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 1:28am<b>kingeyuel</b> - the 03/29/2014 at 1:46am<b>AH1Zviper</b> - the 03/08/2014 at 2:34pm<b>Saddyohh</b> - the 02/20/2014 at 2:21am<b>seninaa</b> - the 02/08/2014 at 1:31pm<b>aronrox96</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 1:11am<b>eclipsebladex</b> - the 01/27/2014 at 3:51pm

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Batterypost's favorite FMLs

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

#21166299
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48049) - you deserved it (4883)

On 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm - health - by wish his dad had worn one (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

#21152005
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45919) - you deserved it (5305)

On 05/26/2014 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

Today, I nervously flirted with a very cute guy. Being a little overweight, I rarely think cute guys will go for me. This line of thinking was yet again correct when he casually pulled his sleeve up revealing a tattoo of a pinup girl with a "NO FAT CHICKS" sign below it. FML

#21138042
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55791) - you deserved it (7138)

On 05/12/2014 at 7:49pm - love - by nofatchicks (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

#21137389
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59913) - you deserved it (5136)

On 05/12/2014 at 1:17am - kids - by kids -

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

#21133982
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63769) - you deserved it (8102)

On 05/08/2014 at 9:55am - love - by STOP (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

#21133607
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38348) - you deserved it (5660)

On 05/07/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by BaggedDown (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (426) - you deserved it (18899)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML

#21127873
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48666) - you deserved it (4422)

On 05/01/2014 at 10:17am - animals - by Felicityfrank (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

#21108224
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19446) - you deserved it (44914)

On 04/09/2014 at 1:17am - misc - by Motha - United States (Utah)

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

#21107817
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24051) - you deserved it (41791)

On 04/08/2014 at 6:04pm - misc - by not a dumbass pothead (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

#21102946
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47932) - you deserved it (5923)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:10pm - kids - by I Have Failed (man) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, while working at Dairy Queen, a customer asked me what was so special about our ice cream cakes, and how they're different from regular cakes. I chuckled, and told her it's because they're made from ice cream. She threw a fit, which resulted in me being written up and sent home early. FML

#21096589
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38271) - you deserved it (5693)

On 03/25/2014 at 11:53pm - work - by Coryj1220 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

#21088237
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42583) - you deserved it (5851)

On 03/16/2014 at 3:28pm - health - by thanksdad (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

#21087786
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40593) - you deserved it (19487)

On 03/15/2014 at 11:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)



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