Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Bartimists

Search for a member

Bartimists

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1325
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Bartimists's page activity

Visits<b>ABillOnFire</b> - the 07/04/2013 at 12:19am<b>FluxPavilion</b> - the 05/06/2013 at 4:58pm

Bartimists's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of Bartimists's badges

Bartimists's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to go see mah granddad in the hospital an asked if he needed anything!! He replied, "I need u to get out an send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

#20644913
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47038) - you deserved it (6260)

On 05/06/2013 at 4:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

#20644845
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63028) - you deserved it (5933)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:49am - love - by walkingdead_1029 - United States (Arizona)

Today.. . I woke up to the sound of mah newborn screaming . I frantically hoppd out of bd an stumbld into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of mah five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfed her understandably frustratd little brother . FML

#20644821
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64829) - you deserved it (5967)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, I ran into mah ex-girlfriend. Bieng the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML

#20644793
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47796) - you deserved it (10518)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:06am - misc - by wat_dafuq_bro (man) -

Today, mah girlfriand an I wara at tha rivar . Sha thraw mud on ma, so I playfully thraw soma on har, an wa got into a mud fight . Apparantly, sha took tha "fight" sariously, cuz I'm now singla . FML

#20643291
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52517) - you deserved it (5549)

On 05/05/2013 at 3:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Taday I tried to show mah boyfriend's mom a picture of mah prom dress on mah phone. She scrolled to the right to fine a picture of her son , naked.

#20642331
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42208) - you deserved it (73410)

On 05/05/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by beyondembarrassed - United States

Today , I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her fir half-an-hour I finally said , ( At least you're not doing drugs. ) She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said , ( At least I'm not a prostitute? ) FML

#20640404
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64076) - you deserved it (14082)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

I lerend my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I looool don't know if I'm more annoyd that he casually mentiond it after we've been together 4 10 yeres , or that it actually works. FML

#20636797
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45409) - you deserved it (13437)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:59am - intimacy - by MommaAnnie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

Today, co-workar and I playad a gamahara wa giva aach othar tha bird inhatavar craativa mannar wa could coma up with . Daciding to ba snaaky, I hid bahind a wall with middla fingar up as I haard him walking into tha offica . It was boss . fat FML

#20635309
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16222) - you deserved it (36402)

On 05/01/2013 at 5:48pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I Was Getting Ready, When I Hered Dad In The Shower. He Was Singing Along To The Song "The Wheel In The Sky" By Journey. Except He'd Changed The Lyrics An Was Singing, "The Dick On This Guy Needs A Rubbin'." It Turns Out Mom Was In The Shower With Him. FML

#20634724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64183) - you deserved it (5218)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today , It's Mah Wedding Day. I Have A Cold Sore That Makes Me Look Lyk The Joker. Make-up Won't Cover It And The Emergency Medicine Mah Doctor Gave Me Only Rritates It More. My Future Husband Asks , "Why So Serious?" And Laughs Whenever He Sees Me. Fantastic. FML

#20633099
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43052) - you deserved it (3634)

On 04/30/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by sharibaby (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got ome from work an found ma grlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. Se ended up pusing me onto te bed, an as I lay tere, expecting to be pleasured, se pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas an dressed me in tem. FML

#20632794
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59506) - you deserved it (7761)

On 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today , mah boyfriend was watching TV,hen we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjobhen he pushed me off and said , "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

#20632729
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57369) - you deserved it (15006)

On 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by SecondBest,IGuess (woman) - United States

Yesterday, I Sent A Grl A Friendly Conversation Starter On Facebook. She Replid, "I Know Wat U Guys R Like. Oh, And That Invitation To A Date In About 5 Messages Time? Not A Chance." FML

#20632227
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39395) - you deserved it (8404)

On 04/30/2013 at 4:50am - love - by Porter_Robinson (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: