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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15699) - you deserved it (1677)
On 03/09/2010 at 9:07pm - misc - by Al (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54614) - you deserved it (12512)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11483) - you deserved it (37585)
On 08/04/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by jkon (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55437) - you deserved it (4005)
On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up random names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59557) - you deserved it (12172)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8951) - you deserved it (43469)
On 07/05/2009 at 11:23am - animals - by BigBallah93 - China (Beijing)
Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45112) - you deserved it (7310)
On 07/04/2009 at 2:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I spent 3 hours washing my hands to get the pony out of the soap bar. I'm 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9088) - you deserved it (38508)
On 06/28/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Soapy (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21684) - you deserved it (61475)
On 06/23/2009 at 10:19am - work - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49489) - you deserved it (2305)
On 06/20/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by Dumbass - United States (Florida)
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30605) - you deserved it (271422)
On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53381) - you deserved it (418704)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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