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Ayada's favorite FMLs
Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML
by lonely dreams / 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
by ashbeat / 01/01/2013 at 10:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by killme / 12/29/2012 at 5:33pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
by UngratefulBrat / 12/28/2012 at 2:03am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML
by Alone / 12/28/2012 at 12:24am / United States / Love
by FuckMyEyes / 12/25/2012 at 8:49pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
by valnaj1 / 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Intimacy
Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 1:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Work
by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML
by orgasmicriding / 12/22/2012 at 5:55pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation
Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML
by Igor / 12/19/2012 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
by Anonymous / 12/17/2012 at 3:17am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 7:58pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 12:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours… Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed… Today, my mum came home from a business trip. My four-year-old brother, who I'd been watching, told…