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About AwkwardPartyBear : ~Hello There Stalker! Im Awkward!~I am a magical pony who lives in Pinkie Pie's basement. She feeds me apple pie made from AppleJack's family! And Fluttershy lets me pet her bunny! Rarity handles the clothing down here and keeps me updated on the latest fashion. Anyways, I never come out often, because I'm on the FML app. I'm undercover to get interesting stories for Twilight. Also, I have a drunk bear holding balloons in its paws on my upper right asscheek, like most ponies who have random crap on their ass. I can fly like some ponies do, but I am also a Unicorn. Even though my kickass flying makes ponies jelly, RainbowDash always beat me in races. That bastard! Derpy is one of my bestest friends (We like to derp alot). The ponies call me awkward, because there for, I am awkward. My original name in pony language is Neeeeeyyyy.. But in English it is PartyBear. I will be happy to teach you horse language if you like.
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Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML
Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML
Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML
Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML
Today, I took an IQ test and ended up scoring above average. Feeling good about myself, I decided to bake some cookies. After 30 minutes of them not doing anything in the oven, I realized I forgot to turn the oven on. FML
Today, at work at a car dealership, a seemingly overzealous customer shook my hand vigorously after we finalized a deal. I didn't think anything of it until a coworker pointed out that he was just trying to make my breasts jiggle. I'm a man. FML
Today, I found out my ten year old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, I was cleaning at work when an elderly gentleman walked towards me, paused, and with a wink said, "That's what I like to see: a girl on her knees." This is the same workplace where another old man informed me that my yellow uniform made me look like a "suggestive cheesecake." FML
Monday 1 September 2014