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About AwkwardPartyBear : ~Hello There Stalker! Im Awkward!~I am a magical pony who lives in Pinkie Pie's basement. She feeds me apple pie made from AppleJack's family! And Fluttershy lets me pet her bunny! Rarity handles the clothing down here and keeps me updated on the latest fashion. Anyways, I never come out often, because I'm on the FML app. I'm undercover to get interesting stories for Twilight. Also, I have a drunk bear holding balloons in its paws on my upper right asscheek, like most ponies who have random crap on their ass. I can fly like some ponies do, but I am also a Unicorn. Even though my kickass flying makes ponies jelly, RainbowDash always beat me in races. That bastard! Derpy is one of my bestest friends (We like to derp alot). The ponies call me awkward, because there for, I am awkward. My original name in pony language is Neeeeeyyyy.. But in English it is PartyBear. I will be happy to teach you horse language if you like.
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Today, my boyfriend of two years, whom I supported through the death of his father, and whose invalid mother I also took care of, suddenly dumped me. The fact that I've put on a little weight due to recent stress disgusts him, and he "can't date a chubster". FML
Today, my mum made me take her poodle on a walk, which she'd dressed in a tiara and a pink dog dress. Being a 19-year-old guy, I was pissed. After I got home, I saw that my mom had filmed me from the window and posted it to Facebook, to everyone's great delight. FML
Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML
Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML
Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML
Today, I put up one of those hanging fly catchers in my room due to the unsettling amount of flies in the house. I remarked how stupid flies were to land on them. Within an hour, I got up and walked straight into it. FML
Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML
Friday 19 December 2014