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AustrianChaos's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML
by kringr / 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
by Malakai / 02/02/2011 at 12:57am / United States / Kids
Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML
by Proof-Reader / 12/15/2009 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
by janedoe / 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
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- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to… Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found… Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my…
- Today, I learned that if a friend ever suggests you sleep with her boyfriend, it's probably because… Today, a sweet old man came knocking. He asked about my elderly neighbor who he has been trying to… Today, I went to a grad school fair. Tuition costs more than I make in a year. I'm thirty. I think…