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Audem's FML badges
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Audem's favorite FMLs
by dudewheresmywheelschicago / 09/20/2016 at 1:14am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML
by Sisi / 08/29/2016 at 12:49pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Emmereen / 08/22/2016 at 10:21pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, two customers complained about the shitty service they received from my coworkers. I apologized and asked about the complaint. Their issues were legitimate and I promised to pass them on. They demanded to speak to my manager and my coworkers got in trouble. Now they think I'm a snitch. FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2016 at 8:40am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I walked into a wall, smashing my laptop into the top of my eye socket. This was all because I was carrying my laptop, phone and chocolate mug cake, all while trying to watch Netflix on said laptop. I feel like a 2016 cliché. FML
by justplaindumb / 08/03/2016 at 8:48pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/19/2016 at 11:01pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my company used a nice photo of my coworkers and me for their corporate website, in efforts to make their office seem fun and relaxed. This wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't just fired every single person in the photo, myself included. FML
by Welp / 07/03/2016 at 8:39am / Romania / Work
by DesperateMother / 06/28/2016 at 6:12am / France (Alsace) / Kids
Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to 'break it up' with a gloved finger, and then he sent me home with directions on how to administer an enema. I do not recommend trying to give an enema to a kid that doesn't want one. FML
by anon mom / 05/11/2016 at 8:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, after months of all my friends telling me that the guy whom I was in love with most definitely held feelings for me, I was finally convinced by their words, and with confidence I went and confessed my feelings to him. I was rejected. FML
by UniGrad2019 / 01/25/2016 at 11:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 10:02pm / United States / Health
Today, in the second week of August, hell has come to earth; my mom has been playing Christmas music all afternoon and is already searching online for decorations. I hope she buys a length of rope to go with them, because I've already given up on life. FML
by brbkillingmyself / 08/08/2015 at 6:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by johobus28 / 08/05/2015 at 11:31pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally finished downloading a 60GB TV series after two weeks of waiting. Every single "episode" turned out to be Rick Astley singing Never Gonna Give You Up, on constant repeat. I almost respect the prankster's effort enough to not want to gut him like a fish. Almost. FML
by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 8:52pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…