About Astroman129 : Yes, that is my dog in my pic. Yes, he is adorable.
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Astroman129's favorite FMLs
by ahhahaha / 08/11/2009 at 11:07pm / United States (New Mexico) / Kids
Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild" FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2009 at 8:02am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2009 at 2:33pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by NinjaPanda88 / 08/01/2009 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
by Rae / 07/30/2009 at 9:56am / United States / Kids
Today, I sent a forward to everyone in my phonebook saying, "HOUSE PARTY-NO PARENTS, LOTS OF ALCOHOL, MAYBE A CHANCE TO HOOK UP." I then got a reply from my mom saying, "I'm probably the only one that would show up." Even my mom thinks I'm a loser, and I'm now grounded for 3 weeks. FML
by racchhh / 07/26/2009 at 11:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
by bbbkingsey / 07/23/2009 at 3:10am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I took my daughter to the lake. She told me she had to go to the bathroom and I whispered to her "just pee in the lake, it's fine, but go in a little deeper." She went in the lake and turned to me to yell "MOM, IS THIS DEEP ENOUGH FOR ME TO PEE?" FML
by Anonymous / 07/16/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked the owner of the company who it was for. He replied "the round one", so I handed it to our rotund Project Manager. Apparently the owner meant the garbage can, not my fat co-worker. Now i'm the asshole of the office. FML
by kjcarey123 / 07/15/2009 at 1:24pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
by pkstarstorm / 07/14/2009 at 2:58am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend posted my picture on Craigslist under the "men seeking men" section. I got 16 replies with 2 hours. He then decided to post another picture of me under "men seeking women" to compare results. The only reply I got was from a man. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2009 at 9:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by ttsutaoka / 07/11/2009 at 3:43am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who is divorced from my mother, has set up a lawsuit against her and that I am required to go to court and testify against her as a witness. I've tried to keep neutral for six years, and I'll go to jail if I don't show up. FML
by Anonymous / 07/07/2009 at 1:46am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
by AidenFromSweden / 07/06/2009 at 2:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I was driving in a straight line on a completely deserted road in the open bush. I sneezed… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without…