About Astroman129 : Yes, that is my dog in my pic. Yes, he is adorable.
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Astroman129's favorite FMLs
by ahhahaha / 08/11/2009 at 11:07pm / United States (New Mexico) / Kids
Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild" FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2009 at 8:02am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2009 at 2:33pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by NinjaPanda88 / 08/01/2009 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
by Rae / 07/30/2009 at 9:56am / United States / Kids
Today, I sent a forward to everyone in my phonebook saying, "HOUSE PARTY-NO PARENTS, LOTS OF ALCOHOL, MAYBE A CHANCE TO HOOK UP." I then got a reply from my mom saying, "I'm probably the only one that would show up." Even my mom thinks I'm a loser, and I'm now grounded for 3 weeks. FML
by racchhh / 07/26/2009 at 11:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
by bbbkingsey / 07/23/2009 at 3:10am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I took my daughter to the lake. She told me she had to go to the bathroom and I whispered to her "just pee in the lake, it's fine, but go in a little deeper." She went in the lake and turned to me to yell "MOM, IS THIS DEEP ENOUGH FOR ME TO PEE?" FML
by Anonymous / 07/16/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked the owner of the company who it was for. He replied "the round one", so I handed it to our rotund Project Manager. Apparently the owner meant the garbage can, not my fat co-worker. Now i'm the asshole of the office. FML
by kjcarey123 / 07/15/2009 at 1:24pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
by pkstarstorm / 07/14/2009 at 2:58am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend posted my picture on Craigslist under the "men seeking men" section. I got 16 replies with 2 hours. He then decided to post another picture of me under "men seeking women" to compare results. The only reply I got was from a man. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2009 at 9:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by ttsutaoka / 07/11/2009 at 3:43am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who is divorced from my mother, has set up a lawsuit against her and that I am required to go to court and testify against her as a witness. I've tried to keep neutral for six years, and I'll go to jail if I don't show up. FML
by Anonymous / 07/07/2009 at 1:46am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
by AidenFromSweden / 07/06/2009 at 2:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was using the urinal when another guy came in. His friends decided to scare him while he… Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on… Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved…