About Astroman129 : Yes, that is my dog in my pic. Yes, he is adorable.
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Astroman129's favorite FMLs
Today, I have to train people overseas to do my job. If I succeed in teaching them what they need to know, then they get my job and I get fired. If they don't perform well, then as the trainer I get blamed, and get fired. FML
by luckygirl / 12/14/2009 at 4:05am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my daughter's school called to inform me that I needed to bring her some sneakers. Not feeling like driving the 15 minutes to her school, I told them I was away from town. Then I realized I was on my house phone. FML
by Anonymous / 12/10/2009 at 9:34am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I took my girlfriend's 4-year-old son and four of his friends to the amusement park. While walking down a hill, I slipped on some water and slid down the hill, taking out multiple children. It wasn't rain. I'd slid on vomit. FML
by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 12:22pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, I went on a blind date. It was going well until I brought up my views on politics. He then told me to shut up because women were incapable of intelligent thought. Then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and have sex. FML
by OnlyIfYouLoveMe / 11/23/2009 at 12:12am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me so she could "let her life flow in the direction she wants." Apparently that includes smoking, stealing and making out with other girls at parties. The best part? She wants to get back together "after she matures and gets it out of her system." FML
Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML
by Klepto / 11/15/2009 at 12:34pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my work, I was ringing though a kid's purchase. I try to be friendly with the kids and when he handed me his cash I said "Thank you, sir!" in a playful manner. He then turns to his mom and says "Mom, why does everyone think I am a boy?". FML
by DeeElleGee / 11/13/2009 at 7:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML
by prayforme / 11/10/2009 at 8:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the mall, I saw a girl crying that her ice cream had fallen on the floor. Feeling generous, I bought her a new one. She threw it on the ground, laughed, and came over to her mom and told that I was bothering her, so the mom called security. FML
by miseventshappen / 11/09/2009 at 12:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got rear-ended at a stop sign on a seldom used road in my neighborhood. As I open my car door to trade insurance information with the guy, he backs up a little and speeds away, taking my car door with him. FML
by Anonymous / 10/31/2009 at 11:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 10/31/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hit by a car speeding through an intersection after the light had already turned red. Still partly blacked out, I crawled onto the sidewalk and I sat down. The woman rolled down her car window and yelled, "Watch where you're going!" as she drove by. FML
by legotron / 10/30/2009 at 4:06am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2009 at 2:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/21/2009 at 10:58pm / United States (California) / Animals
- Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at… Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up… Today, I realized the only times my boyfriend ever says "I love you" are after he screws up or when…