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ArrowOfTruth

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ArrowOfTruth

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ArrowOfTruth's favorite FMLs

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

#17606704
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30550) - you deserved it (8682)

On 08/28/2011 at 5:25pm - kids - by cjay2200 - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

#17406072
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22518) - you deserved it (3531)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:12am - misc - by MissArizona (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was supposed to have a double date. My date didn't show. I spent my day in the living room waiting for the pizza guy while my best friend and her boyfriend made out. The pizza guy never showed either. FML

#17036855
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32729) - you deserved it (2634)

On 07/09/2011 at 1:55am - misc - by supergingerr11 - United States (Missouri)

Today, my apartment burned to the ground. I was packed and ready to move out tomorrow. FML

#16622108
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53300) - you deserved it (2938)

On 06/12/2011 at 2:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML

#16541898
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45831) - you deserved it (11770)

On 06/07/2011 at 2:51am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

#16481636
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9807) - you deserved it (54092)

On 06/03/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, someone wearing dark grey clothes thought it would be a good idea to run in front of my car in the pouring rain. I slammed on my brakes and managed to stop before I'd have turned him into a blood sprinkler. Unfortunately, the person behind me didn't. FML

Today, my boyfriend referred me to me as "just a friend" to his ex. They swapped phone numbers. FML

#15566439
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32999) - you deserved it (5525)

On 03/30/2011 at 9:10pm - love - by meohmy - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260
699 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70492) - you deserved it (15303)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML

#15430260
699 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70492) - you deserved it (15303)

On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

#15232480
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14387) - you deserved it (32354)

On 03/07/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by tatfreak (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

#15184059
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37507) - you deserved it (23389)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told the guy I like to listen to a song that expressed how I felt about him. When he was done, I asked what he thought about it. He said it made him realize that his ex was the love of his life and that he wants to go back to her. FML

#15131061
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32339) - you deserved it (6911)

On 02/26/2011 at 9:30pm - love - by sweet2u22 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I accidentally dropped my engagement ring down a sewer. To my surprise, the sewer water was frozen and my ring sat on top. During my efforts to retrieve it, I had to watch as the ice slowly melted due to the warm day. The ring sank further and further until it was completely gone. FML

#14709576
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34436) - you deserved it (6036)

On 01/25/2011 at 1:08pm - misc - by CLH (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my uncle had a flashback to Vietnam. I'm now missing a tooth and have a cracked rib. FML

#14706011
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35630) - you deserved it (2982)

On 01/25/2011 at 2:28am - misc - by Randall (man) - United States (California)



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