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Arosamond's favorite FMLs
Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML
by Dana / 05/10/2011 at 4:36am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy
Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML
by Anonymous / 05/06/2011 at 2:09pm / Saudi Arabia / Intimacy
Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML
by fmyhabit / 04/15/2011 at 1:34am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 4:04pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Kelli / 08/28/2010 at 12:56am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend, who recently started French classes, and I were having sex. Knowing how whispering in my ear turns me on, she whispered something in French, and I came. Later I found out it meant something like, "You should lose a lot of weight." FML
by gleefan116 / 08/27/2010 at 8:18pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by mc_dreamy / 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/14/2010 at 4:43pm / United States / Love
by Alisha Marie / 08/04/2010 at 12:20am / United States (New York) / Love
by volleyballgirl12 / 01/17/2010 at 1:31am / Love
Today, for karaoke, I sang American Woman by Lenny Kravitz. The entire audience cracked up laughing and at least three people pulled out their cell phones to record my performance. At the end, the DJ said, "Looks like someone had too much tonight." I was completely sober. FML
by Cossack_Man / 08/25/2009 at 4:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML
by Anonymous / 08/12/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML
by MitchFail / 07/23/2009 at 2:42am / United States / Intimacy
- Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts… Today, I have my very first gynecologist appointment. I'm 15. My mom wants to "be on the safe side"… Today, my four year old told my mother-in-law that our house is haunted because she hears a ghost…