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ArmyxWife's FML badges
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ArmyxWife's favorite FMLs
Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of the features of them. So I asked which one. I was told Homer because we both could use Weight Watchers and an education. FML
by Kyle / 11/09/2012 at 1:57am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML
by new name / 11/06/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids
by girly girly / 05/26/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Queen_Dread / 05/04/2012 at 3:19am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by girly / 04/12/2012 at 12:06am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML
by erockinthesuburb / 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by azmom / 03/27/2012 at 1:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by Taylor Easley / 03/17/2012 at 12:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by sad face / 03/07/2012 at 2:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend out for a fancy dinner to celebrate our anniversary. When the waitress came, we instantly recognized each other. She was the girl I'd had a one night stand with a few weeks before. FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2012 at 4:49pm / Canada / Love
by Nanabanana1 / 02/06/2012 at 8:23pm / United States / Love
Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML
by brannie / 01/29/2012 at 7:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana…
- Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in… Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the… Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick…