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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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ArmoredSandwich

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ArmoredSandwich
  • Town/Country : Amsterdam, The Kingdom of the Netherlands
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 22 March 1990 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 39360
  • Number of comments : 63
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ArmoredSandwich's favorite FMLs

Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML

#1079164 (167)

I agree, your life sucks (83793) - you deserved it (3583)

On 04/18/2009 at 3:20am - love - by mylifesucks (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, my friend drove me me to catch the 8 pm train. Running late, we screeched into the parking lot at 7:57, stopped the car in a 'no stop' zone. I said goodbye to my friend, sprinted to my train and barely made it. Then, with the train in motion, I noticed my friend's car keys in my hand. FML

#983205 (118)

I agree, your life sucks (39873) - you deserved it (13151)

On 04/15/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by Lo (woman) - United States (California)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425 (668)

I agree, your life sucks (402948) - you deserved it (26905)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML

#948871 (200)

I agree, your life sucks (78793) - you deserved it (16017)

On 04/13/2009 at 12:12pm - misc - by anonymiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the girl I have had a crush on for the last 4 months asked me on AIM how to block someone. 30 seconds after I finished explaining how to block someone on iChat, she went offline and I haven't seen her on AIM since. FML

#929724 (101)

I agree, your life sucks (58453) - you deserved it (8796)

On 04/12/2009 at 3:46pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a feild sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test infront of all the students and parents. I blew. 06%. FML

#855959 (270)

I agree, your life sucks (17531) - you deserved it (70576)

On 04/07/2009 at 4:44pm - health - by schoolgrlstaci (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

#853708 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (176) - you deserved it (18649)

On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

#834791 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (51308) - you deserved it (4029)

On 04/06/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had a really cute waitress at lunch. I decided to leave my number and a $50 bill for a $15 check. When I left the restaurant I realized I still had the $50 but a $1 bill was missing from my wallet. I've been getting threatening text messages all day. FML

#829368 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (11693) - you deserved it (44312)

On 04/06/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to a club with a couple of my friends. I met a really cute guy and we were getting along pretty well. We eventually exchanged numbers. Later on I decided to call him and set up a date. The number he gave me was the Rejection Hotline number. FML

#818669 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (53430) - you deserved it (6458)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by jonas_93 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

#800940 (233)

I agree, your life sucks (26324) - you deserved it (116075)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML

#786603 (356)

I agree, your life sucks (21103) - you deserved it (60249)

On 04/03/2009 at 6:05pm - misc - by ShamedJP (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green..." I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "...ya know, like a dog." FML

#780789 (158)

I agree, your life sucks (46762) - you deserved it (3814)

On 04/03/2009 at 10:37am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

#774931 (195)

I agree, your life sucks (101256) - you deserved it (14012)

On 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

#710815 (177)

I agree, your life sucks (79105) - you deserved it (10893)

On 03/30/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by lucky (woman) - United States (Ohio)