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Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48092) - you totally deserved it (11120)
On 03/07/2009 at 11:10am - misc - by astroloser (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)
Today, I dropped my keys. Not wanting to lean over and pick them up, I pointed at them and said "Accio." Then I realized I had tried to use a Harry Potter spell in real life and in public. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21240) - you totally deserved it (93381)
On 03/05/2009 at 7:45pm - misc - by redhead (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11519) - you totally deserved it (74850)
On 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm - health - by ubbernoob (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, to ask a boy I really liked to my school's turnabout dance, I gave him a box full of 10 cupcakes that spelled out T-U-R-N-A-B-O-U-T-?. The boy gave the box back a little later. There were two cupcakes left inside. It said N-O. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55004) - you totally deserved it (5147)
On 02/27/2009 at 2:35pm - misc - by justanaccount (woman) - Spain (Madrid)
Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17953) - you totally deserved it (126734)
On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - misc - by Noname - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob (I don't normally do it because I have a fear of getting squirt in the eye). Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bite the wrong spot and get lemon juice shot right into my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18519) - you totally deserved it (57682)
On 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by svet (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43045) - you totally deserved it (9746)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7222) - you totally deserved it (26593)
On 02/12/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by idkmybffjill? (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML
I agree, your life sucks (3560) - you totally deserved it (69481)
On 02/12/2009 at 1:00am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I cut myself of a bandaid box, while trying to get a bandaid out for another cut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23060) - you totally deserved it (5327)
On 02/11/2009 at 9:45am - misc - by Chicketi (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got this HUGE package at my college dorm from my parents with candy, chips, canned soup and all these goodies. When I called my mom to thank her, she replied "We got rid of your cat, Annie". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22940) - you totally deserved it (901)
On 02/10/2009 at 8:44pm - misc - by melissae (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22162) - you totally deserved it (1130)
On 02/10/2009 at 12:58am - misc - by neversayhiagain (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (419410) - you totally deserved it (25293)
On 02/09/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (287476) - you totally deserved it (42437)
On 02/05/2009 at 7:06am - love - by Noname - United States (Illinois)
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