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Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13630) - you totally deserved it (2288)
On 01/31/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by JK (man) - United States (California)
Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (24115) - you totally deserved it (4132)
On 10/18/2009 at 6:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my mother said she trusted me enough to go with me for my first drive in my new car. As soon as we got in the car, she started hyperventilating and screaming we're going to crash. I didn't even start the engine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21095) - you totally deserved it (1223)
On 10/10/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)
Today, my best friend and I went to the movies. There was a hot cashier, so I thought it would be cool to talk in a British accent to try and be sexy. I walked up and started talking when he interrupted me and said in a very heavy British accent, 'I know you're faking. You can stop now.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (3365) - you totally deserved it (30953)
On 10/10/2009 at 2:10am - work - by dammitt (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my fiance was performing oral on me. I was really getting into it, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. When asked, he confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9580) - you totally deserved it (2150)
On 10/03/2009 at 9:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27160) - you totally deserved it (2834) - moderated and selected by Kevin Nealon
On 10/01/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by dumbass (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I finally found out that someone had stolen my debit card and maxed it out. The good news? Whoever it was forgot to change the address on the card, so everything they bought online has been shipped to me. The bad news? I've received 16 snuggies so far, and I'm still counting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29561) - you totally deserved it (1685)
On 09/28/2009 at 4:36pm - money - by SnuggieOverload (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had a meeting with the CEO about a promising job with good pay and benefits. Upon meeting, we immediately recognized each other. He was someone I used to make fun of in school all the time. He responded by refusing to interview me and had security throw me out by force. Karma bites. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4212) - you totally deserved it (55776)
On 09/28/2009 at 2:31pm - work - by SucksToBeMe (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30261) - you totally deserved it (3451)
On 09/21/2009 at 12:16am - love - by Imaginary girlfriend - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I was locked out my car because I accidentally left the car keys in the car. I ask my little brother for a suggestion. What does he do? He throws a rock through the window and says "Problem solved." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22289) - you totally deserved it (9644)
On 09/20/2009 at 3:41am - kids - by loserboii (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend, who has been growing out his facial hair lately, and I, went to a family get together. When we showed up my grandmother came up to him and started growling. She then said, "I was just trying to communicate with Chewbacca over here." Thanks grandma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21283) - you totally deserved it (5121)
On 09/19/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by Chewy (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I farted while I was in line at the bank. I tried to pretend it wasn't me by looking at the man behind me and turning back with a disgusted look on my face. I thought I had gotten away with it when the man yells "It wasn't me, this bitch did it". FML
I agree, your life sucks (4111) - you totally deserved it (49629)
On 08/19/2009 at 7:39am - misc - by moutz (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (50679) - you totally deserved it (4839)
On 08/13/2009 at 11:23am - intimacy - by esb (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I went to buy a cake for my daughter's birthday. She really loves Twilight, so I decided to get her a vampire-related cake. I wrote down "fangs" as a decoration. The baker thought it said "wangs". My 10 year old daughter's cake has wangs all over it. Her party is tomorrow morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29792) - you totally deserved it (5109)
On 08/08/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by TheCake - United States (Florida)
Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29068) - you totally deserved it (3839)
On 08/07/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by scarredforlife (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
