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Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28053) - you totally deserved it (1442)
On 09/01/2009 at 2:51pm - misc - by Catscratch (man) - United States (California)
Today, I got up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Service was spelled wrong and when I looked it up, error message 3265 does not exist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47818) - you totally deserved it (4475)
On 08/17/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by ZSL (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. In my depressive state, I changed my Facebook status to the Blue October lyrics "Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends including my mom "Liked" this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32682) - you totally deserved it (12470)
On 08/11/2009 at 2:40am - love - by JazzSpazz (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4366) - you totally deserved it (53251)
On 08/10/2009 at 11:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3121) - you totally deserved it (39676)
On 08/07/2009 at 5:18am - work - by cosmonaut (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)
Today, I was puked on for the third time in three years at our annual choir concert. What makes it so significant? The fact that the same guy pukes on me every year from stage fright. We're arranged alphabetically, and he's always in the row RIGHT above me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38969) - you totally deserved it (2507)
On 08/05/2009 at 5:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, my mom was really mad at me and I was driving her to the grocery store. As she was coming out, I decided to be a good daughter and drive right up to the door so she doesn't have to walk to the car. I ran her over. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30670) - you totally deserved it (14542)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by oops (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out I have an option on my phone to postpone the sending of my text messages. I thought it would be cute to send my boyfriend texts saying, " I love you and sweet dreams" every night at midnight for a month. He broke up with me and I can't figure out how to stop the texts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25731) - you totally deserved it (13926)
On 08/04/2009 at 4:26am - misc - by Optimist - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said "that's my mom". FML
I agree, your life sucks (6141) - you totally deserved it (40606)
On 08/02/2009 at 3:35am - work - by bigmouth (man) - United States (California)
Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39373) - you totally deserved it (1428)
On 08/01/2009 at 12:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam matress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8478) - you totally deserved it (41984)
On 07/31/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by ohhmydamn (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28760) - you totally deserved it (1734)
On 07/31/2009 at 12:01am - kids - by BadMurderer (woman) - Mexico (Tabasco)
Today, was my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing. My dad is a horrible singer, and I tried my hardest not to laugh, I turned red faced and tears were falling from my eyes. My step mother held my hand and said that she was in a better place. I couldn't hold it any longer. I laughed my ass off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11189) - you totally deserved it (27418)
On 07/29/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by shewholaughsatthedead (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed. Not knowing who it was, I kicked him in the face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking for his mother. FML
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On 07/29/2009 at 4:26pm - misc - by 4yrldkicker (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage for his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36329) - you totally deserved it (1114)
On 07/28/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by partypooper (man) - United States (California)
