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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25667) - you deserved it (2098)
On 08/02/2011 at 2:36pm - misc - by scully11 (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56484) - you deserved it (8697)
On 06/15/2011 at 2:00pm - love - by anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, on my way home from work, I decided to bring my pregnant wife a bouquet of roses to surprise her. Her response? "Why didn't you get me something useful, like chicken wings, instead?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (34898) - you deserved it (8898)
On 06/09/2011 at 7:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I finally came to terms with the fact that my girlfriend considers me a glorified ATM. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13304) - you deserved it (20075)
On 05/12/2011 at 3:25pm - love - by ClearOne (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32169) - you deserved it (3012)
On 05/01/2011 at 12:11pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35317) - you deserved it (718)
On 04/20/2011 at 3:27am - animals - by Anonymous - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, while enjoying a nice dinner out, I observed a homeless man giggling hysterically to himself while wiping boogers on my bike seat and handlebars. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25996) - you deserved it (2524)
On 04/19/2011 at 4:23am - misc - by BerkeleyBiker (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41944) - you deserved it (3560)
On 04/10/2011 at 12:42am - love - by torny>horny - United States
Today, I sprained my sternum in my rugby match. I now can't yell, laugh, cough, inhale or exhale fully, or sneeze without a sharp pain shooting through my chest. I have a pollen allergy, and sneeze every 5 or 10 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31230) - you deserved it (2855)
On 04/07/2011 at 12:17am - health - by ouchiee (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25352) - you deserved it (4232)
On 04/05/2011 at 12:48pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25567) - you deserved it (1900)
On 03/30/2011 at 12:14pm - misc - by Kingspin - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my three housemates got into a huge fight and ended up declaring their undying hatred for each other. They now refuse to talk to each other, and I've become their go-between. Yesterday, we signed the lease for another year in the house together. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23715) - you deserved it (3052)
On 03/28/2011 at 7:52am - misc - by screwedhousemate (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls and asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36151) - you deserved it (4510)
On 03/27/2011 at 4:37am - intimacy - by Angel1000168 - Australia
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls and asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36151) - you deserved it (4510)
On 03/27/2011 at 4:37am - intimacy - by Angel1000168 - Australia
Today, I decided to have dinner with three friends to forget about the painful break up with my boyfriend. The first friend announced that she and her boyfriend had just bought a house, the second one that he was no longer single, and the third one revealed that she was pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28588) - you deserved it (3403)
On 03/26/2011 at 9:19pm - love - by marie12 (woman) - Belgium (Brabant)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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