About Andrewlostnow : "One day I am just gonna get off this bus and I'm gonna run in the woods and I am never gonna come back and when I come back I 'm gonna be the 9th master". Jimmy (The Rev) favorite quote & best turn around in the shortest period of time as told to him by Matt Berry
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and yes thats a Orange in my mouth!! Msg Me if you like.
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Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24791) - you deserved it (24651)
On 08/04/2010 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by kinky - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38395) - you deserved it (6781)
On 05/16/2009 at 11:20am - misc - by bosssssssss765432 - United States (New York)
Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73408) - you deserved it (6235)
On 04/16/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by Puppysit88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML
I agree, your life sucks (176771) - you deserved it (19146)
On 04/10/2009 at 1:11am - animals - by lanbon182 - United States (California)
Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137607) - you deserved it (24609)
On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML
I agree, your life sucks (112137) - you deserved it (9869)
On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - intimacy - by firsttimer69 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (148945) - you deserved it (20741)
On 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm - intimacy - by illequipt - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML
I agree, your life sucks (143606) - you deserved it (9815)
On 03/01/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by xo_lezz (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (205739) - you deserved it (44854)
On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (178400) - you deserved it (61520)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Friday 24 May 2013
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