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Alxjams

Offline (the 08/23/2014 at 12:31pm) | Search for a member

Alxjams

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  • Number of visits : 254
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Alxjams's favorite FMLs

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

#19204484
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8151) - you deserved it (27341)

On 03/02/2012 at 7:14pm - misc - by argh (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

#18439975
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15027) - you deserved it (39982)

On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom took a bright red sharpie and drew a red circle just above my breasts. She said, "If I can see this, ever, your shirt is either too low cut or too see through and it will be thrown away." FML

#17977433
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27476) - you deserved it (10719)

On 10/13/2011 at 8:10pm - misc - by Cassandra (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

#17365411
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13867) - you deserved it (56845)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

#16589228
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50288) - you deserved it (7814)

On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking along when I saw this girl kissing her boyfriend. I thought to myself "I wish I had a boyfriend like that". I'm a guy, and straight. At least I thought I was. FML

#15678976
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34401) - you deserved it (13149)

On 04/07/2011 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

#15617038
351 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107780) - you deserved it (7603)

On 04/03/2011 at 4:06am - intimacy - by Now Single - Reserved

Today, I got 2 creams for a skin condition. The one for my face says "Don't expose skin to sun after use of this product". The one for the rest of my body says "This product relies on exposure to the sun". In other words, I have to be outside as much as I can, naked and with a box on my head. FML

#15480042
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33398) - you deserved it (6083)

On 03/25/2011 at 8:22am - health - by FromNL (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

#15405912
491 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34688) - you deserved it (48662)

On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

#14968643
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46771) - you deserved it (9265)

On 02/14/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by bride (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

#14894865
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29524) - you deserved it (3315)

On 02/08/2011 at 11:27am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while working at a dollar store, I was clobbered by a woman because apparently, I was ripping her off by charging two dollars for two doughnuts. She didn't understand that she couldn't buy multiple items at once for one dollar. FML

#14568173
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27931) - you deserved it (2287)

On 01/13/2011 at 6:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

#7179468
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46224) - you deserved it (2172)

On 01/06/2010 at 9:55am - misc - by driver (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML

#6186656
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24432) - you deserved it (4803)

On 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML

#5151842
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54596) - you deserved it (4972)

On 09/09/2009 at 5:20pm - love - by nick2.0 (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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