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Alocer's favorite FMLs
Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML
by SlapAndTickle / 10/10/2013 at 11:04pm / United States / Kids
by happyturtle / 10/10/2013 at 7:27am / Croatia / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML
by hubby / 10/08/2013 at 1:57pm / United States / Intimacy
by BOHICA123 / 10/07/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals
by Mike Messenger / 10/05/2013 at 9:51am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I was grocery shopping. When I got to the frozen foods, I saw some lean pockets, which I haven't had in forever, so I bought a couple of boxes. Around lunch time, I was hungry and thought I could have some, until I realized why I stopped buying them: I don't have a microwave. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2013 at 4:17am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/03/2013 at 11:36pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by joecool3426 / 10/03/2013 at 2:23am / United States / Money
by Sooz / 10/02/2013 at 9:18pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by NestHead / 10/01/2013 at 1:32pm / Russian Federation (Moscow City) / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 3:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 5:40pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/28/2013 at 5:28pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my gran came over for dinner, for which I had to go grab some supplies from the supermarket. I guess I should have locked my laptop, because when I came back, I found my gran had used my Facebook account to propose to my now-ecstatic girlfriend. FML
by my gran is a cuntwaffle / 09/26/2013 at 4:36pm / United Kingdom / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, my girlfriend kindly let me know that she didn't care that I am 'below average' in the penis… Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went… Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was,…