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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Alex_DeLarge

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Alex_DeLarge
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 127975
  • Number of comments : 100
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Alex_DeLarge's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML

#6212555 (69)

I agree, your life sucks (18704) - you deserved it (10125)

On 11/08/2009 at 2:14pm - health - by Poopyhead (woman) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I wore the new bathing suit my boyfriend got me for my birthday to a family reunion pool party. Turns out, it was a gag gift that dissolves after 3 minutes in water. FML

#4550817 (213)

I agree, your life sucks (60954) - you deserved it (4726)

On 08/15/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokemon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokemon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

#3971030 (321)

I agree, your life sucks (12878) - you deserved it (53040)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States

Today, I moved in with my brother to save on a swanky apartment. I was skeptical as to how this would work out as we fought a lot as kids. Our first big fight? Whether or not to keep his dorm-style futon complete with Return of the Jedi sheets. He's a 35-yr old physician; I'm a 28-yr old lawyer. FML

#3669559 (197)

I agree, your life sucks (27534) - you deserved it (7305)

On 07/11/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by bdiddy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter asked me what the youngest age you should start having sex is, being a good mother I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh...shoot." and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML

#3344863 (484)

I agree, your life sucks (59148) - you deserved it (8373)

On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes he did! He's lying I saw him drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

#2593679 (393)

I agree, your life sucks (76613) - you deserved it (3836)

On 06/04/2009 at 8:17am - kids - by Kimmiko (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

#2210993 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (39675) - you deserved it (6883)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:48pm - love - by jimbop (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML

#2209832 (393)

I agree, your life sucks (41157) - you deserved it (15446)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by Tootsy_Roll_Pop (man) - United States

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

#2147353 (358)

I agree, your life sucks (68938) - you deserved it (32609)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

#1550059 (254)

I agree, your life sucks (16783) - you deserved it (167611)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)