Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Alastrina

Offline (24 hours ago) | Search for a member

Alastrina

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 4 April 1982 (32 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1076
  • Number of comments : 131
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 35 posted

About Alastrina : Tattoo artist, daydreamer, general random weirdo.
I'm made of awesomeness too!

Alastrina's page activity

Visits<b>raphanne</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 5:40pm<b>QuaSiCos</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 4:02pm<b>mansfield_j</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 2:45pm<b>Dozer1988</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 2:36am<b>AussieChild</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 2:00am<b>maximus_prime</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 11:10pm<b>Fou_Lou</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 5:48am<b>drshn</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 10:32am<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 12/08/2013 at 7:42pm<b>RoseCrystal</b> - the 12/08/2013 at 1:54pm<b>SnowYDG</b> - the 11/03/2013 at 1:02am<b>pitaman22</b> - the 09/22/2013 at 8:46pm<b>lavendertone</b> - the 09/20/2013 at 4:23pm<b>tazmanmike2013</b> - the 09/20/2013 at 2:18pm<b>falconsfan2139</b> - the 09/20/2013 at 9:52am<b>yamuri</b> - the 09/20/2013 at 9:39am<b>sweet0cheeks</b> - the 09/20/2013 at 9:26am<b>SAspring</b> - the 09/20/2013 at 9:24am

Alastrina's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of Alastrina's badges

Alastrina's favorite FMLs

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

#21272255
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34784) - you deserved it (3637)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

#21249886
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32963) - you deserved it (2784)

On 09/01/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by s0728 - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

#21218479
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51826) - you deserved it (4344)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

#21179816
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40530) - you deserved it (4578)

On 06/18/2014 at 8:58pm - work - by Shannon - United States (Michigan)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52390) - you deserved it (4607)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

#21141912
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52032) - you deserved it (5035)

On 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by fuck florida (man) - United States (California)

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

#21062623
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21903) - you deserved it (38751)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by extra crispy or original recipe (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49784) - you deserved it (6240)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41417) - you deserved it (12492)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. Before we started, the tattooist told me to just relax and embrace the pain. I guess I did that too well; I kept getting an erection throughout. FML

#21030923
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40117) - you deserved it (7706)

On 01/17/2014 at 3:56pm - health - by sausages (man) - Macedonia (Karpos)

Today, I was watching ESPN. My boyfriend came in, bitched about "boring tv," so I handed him the remote. He put on a Lifetime movie. I must be the only woman in America with this problem. FML

#21010622
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46924) - you deserved it (4750)

On 12/30/2013 at 4:38pm - love - by smokecloud_ (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

#20993322
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35087) - you deserved it (3038)

On 12/15/2013 at 12:18pm - misc - by ANONYMOUS -_- (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML

#20991120
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49534) - you deserved it (8540)

On 12/13/2013 at 10:10am - love - by wth? - United Kingdom (Rotherham)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: