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Alastrina

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Alastrina

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 4 April 1982 (33 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1751
  • Number of comments : 147
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 36 posted

About Alastrina : Tattoo artist, daydreamer, general random weirdo.
I'm made of awesomeness too!

Alastrina's page activity

Visits<b>bubsenn</b> - one hour ago<b>gracehi</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 9:47pm<b>bigdog80</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 8:15pm<b>AnimeAddict95</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 12:38am<b>pred8885</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 9:08am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 9:28am<b>Crazyjohnb</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 8:00am<b>black_day</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 9:09pm<b>ZiggysMommy512</b> - the 03/08/2015 at 1:31am<b>newzealand</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 7:21am<b>Ilikepie82479</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 10:51pm<b>stalker99</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 10:41pm<b>Matheo</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 3:38pm<b>TheBadAndGnarly</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 1:42pm<b>ROMAD</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 1:39pm<b>steeler088</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 11:22am<b>Allicat1878</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 9:59am<b>ItsaBucsLife</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 8:16am

Alastrina's FML badges

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50 favourites

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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Alastrina's favorite FMLs

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31756) - you deserved it (2302)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML

#21432491
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25594) - you deserved it (2615)

On 06/26/2015 at 7:32pm - kids - by tycrist8 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my 14 year old brother and 9 year old sister were fighting. My brother said "You suck!" to my sister, and she replied with "You swallow!" FML

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

#21369938
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32678) - you deserved it (3050)

On 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

#21325643
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31253) - you deserved it (2889)

On 12/28/2014 at 1:52am - misc - by thanks a lot mom - United States (California)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

#21272255
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37625) - you deserved it (4164)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I work at a bakery. As I was putting out some cakes with fruit on top of them, a customer asked me how we get the little hairs to stay on the raspberries, and if we glue them on. FML

#21249886
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34260) - you deserved it (3060)

On 09/01/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by s0728 - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

#21218479
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54385) - you deserved it (4786)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

#21179816
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41331) - you deserved it (4678)

On 06/18/2014 at 8:58pm - work - by Shannon - United States (Michigan)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52632) - you deserved it (4624)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

#21141912
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56963) - you deserved it (5646)

On 05/16/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by fuck florida (man) - United States (California)

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

#21062623
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22436) - you deserved it (39588)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by extra crispy or original recipe (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52502) - you deserved it (6540)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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