I joined cuz this site is too funny for me not to comment. This site reminds me that some I'm not the only one who's life sucks. King_of_Kings (hopefully I spelled that right) rules! He's hilarious.
Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8327) - you totally deserved it (1812) - moderated and selected by Kevin Nealon
On 10/01/2009 at 2:10am - intimacy - by betchyo (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40199) - you totally deserved it (3799)
On 05/27/2009 at 5:48am - love - by xpxp2002 (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12686) - you totally deserved it (60098)
On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65077) - you totally deserved it (13335)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57959) - you totally deserved it (1470)
On 04/20/2009 at 1:53am - health - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was in the supermarket and I see this little boy trying to reach for something on the top shelf. I proceed to go over to him and ask if his mom knows where he is. The boy turns around and turns out he was actually a very angry midget. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19841) - you totally deserved it (35417)
On 04/17/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by jules (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I saw a dime on the ground. When I bent down to pick it up, my $80 dollar pants ripped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23240) - you totally deserved it (40885)
On 04/11/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by ripped (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then proceeded to walk into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poke his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18700) - you totally deserved it (163340)
On 04/08/2009 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by hammylove (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was going to have sex with my hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "pollo frito". I then proceeded to have sex, constantly screaming pollo frito for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27776) - you totally deserved it (87360)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML
I agree, your life sucks (143846) - you totally deserved it (5688)
On 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm - intimacy - by GuitarChick42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44704) - you totally deserved it (8029)
On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15781) - you totally deserved it (50487)
On 04/03/2009 at 6:05pm - misc - by ShamedJP (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started applauding and said, "$20 bucks for me! I knew you weren't gay!" Him and my other roommate had a bet. They are my best friends. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63893) - you totally deserved it (5221)
On 03/31/2009 at 11:35am - intimacy - by CBBP (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17604) - you totally deserved it (60004)
On 03/31/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Alex (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58035) - you totally deserved it (28964)
On 03/15/2009 at 12:45am - intimacy - by 12incher (man) - United States (Georgia)
