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Aerius's favorite FMLs
Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML
by annonymous / 09/19/2012 at 2:24am / United States / Intimacy
by Grindwhore / 09/17/2012 at 6:46am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by blueballs / 09/13/2012 at 8:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 1:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, at work, I was talking to a Scottish woman when my coworker and I both told her we were also Scottish. To this she replied, "We Scottish people get around." I then said, "Tell me about it, I'm one of four siblings from my dad, he definitely gets around." She was talking about travel. FML
by jcedarholm / 09/13/2012 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Work
by apparently inexperienced / 09/11/2012 at 12:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML
by killmenow / 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/31/2012 at 7:16pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML
by Pooping / 08/29/2012 at 3:19pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
Today, I found out why my District Manager won't promote me to store manager; his wife thinks he's having an affair with me. If he promotes me, she will take that as evidence of the affair, and then will threaten to divorce him. FML
by Mandi / 08/27/2012 at 8:09pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/27/2012 at 2:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
by Confused / 08/22/2012 at 12:33pm / Spain (Madrid) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/22/2012 at 2:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by ihateveganism / 08/22/2012 at 12:19am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML
by sal / 08/18/2012 at 10:48pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…