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Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, I was riding the bus home from school. I was sitting by myself, and my backpack was occupying the seat next to me. A hot girl boarded the bus, and was standing right where I was sitting. I placed my backpack on my lap, freeing up the seat. The girl stood the entire bus ride. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37476) - you deserved it (5126)
On 05/19/2009 at 11:31pm - misc - by EricCartman (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (60132) - you deserved it (6122)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (60132) - you deserved it (6122)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7512) - you deserved it (36996)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:04am - work - by hipthrustdude (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13168) - you deserved it (43692)
On 05/17/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Wexford)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50243) - you deserved it (39079)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54811) - you deserved it (3679)
On 05/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, while working at a Subway store right next to a big hospital, there was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted. Without turning around, I asked the next person in line, "I'll bet you want yours extra toasted?" She was a burns victim from the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32217) - you deserved it (58964)
On 04/05/2009 at 9:48am - work - by 00Evan (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (199450) - you deserved it (58853)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (162798) - you deserved it (22128)
On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137179) - you deserved it (20754)
On 03/22/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Malta
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (189179) - you deserved it (21117)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (173823) - you deserved it (18040)
On 03/21/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (147449) - you deserved it (8929)
On 03/09/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by tamponmayhem (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (185002) - you deserved it (21608)
On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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